Last summer, we dubbed Hayden May's stick-up of a dispensary in Aspen "the dopiest pot shop robbery ever" in part because everyone in the shop reportedly knew who he was — which likely explains why he apologized for his actions during the heist.
But there's nothing funny about the amount of time the 22-year-old May could wind up spending behind bars.
May has pleaded guilty in the Aspen case and could be sentenced to as many as twelve years in jail.
However, there are still charges pending in regard to his failed escape attempt, which involved a high-speed chase and a crack-up that injured a police officer two states away from Colorado.
As we reported, the photo gallery on May's Facebook page, which remains online at this writing, contains plenty of smoky images, including this one....
...and this one....
However, his need for weed apparently became all-consuming this past July 28.
At around 12:30 p.m. that day, according to the Aspen Times, a man later identified as May walked into STASH, a dispensary located at 710 East Durant Avenue.
And he brought a hammer with him.
He hung around waiting for customers already in the shop to leave, the paper maintains, before brandishing the hammer at two employees, albeit in an apologetic manner.
"Hey, I'm desperate, sorry," Stash owner Garrett Patrick quoted him as saying in an interview with the Aspen Daily News.
After pulling a bag from his backpack and stuffing a large marijuana jar into it (it was valued at $11,000, the Daily News estimates), May started for the door — and when an employee tried to stop him, he allegedly shoved him into a wall and evaded him in a subsequent chase.
He also reportedly eluded customers at a nearby restaurant, who tried to help grab him as well.
May got away by jumping into the Roaring Fork River and hiding in some bushes, the Times notes.
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Figuring out whodunit didn't exactly require a Sherlock Holmes-esque intellect.
“He’s friends with my employees,” Patrick told the Times. “His brother used to work for me. He’s a local. Everyone knows him.”
That included members of the Aspen Police Department, who quickly got into contact with members of May's family, who are said to have communicated with him — and encouraged him to surrender to authorities.
Instead, a new Times piece reveals, he stole a 2007 Chevy Tahoe from a former boss and hit the highway.
By the next day, he'd made it all the way to just west of St. Louis, Missouri, where his luck ran out. When cops tried to pull him over, he pressed the pedal to the metal, prompting a chase that hit triple digits before May smashed into a police car, head-on. The impact caused him to carom into a utility pole and brought his run to a halt.
Now, the Times notes, May has pleaded guilty to robbery, theft and aggravated motor-vehicle theft in exchange for prosecutors dropping a count of aggravated robbery of a controlled substance while armed with a deadly weapon.
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This dropped his possible sentence from 16-48 years to four-to-twelve years. But he's still facing charges in Missouri for assault on a police officer with a deadly weapon, resisting arrest and, naturally, possession of a controlled substance — and if he's found guilty, his time in stir could be extended for a very long time.
Colorado sentencing is scheduled for next month. Here's a look at May's booking photo.