It's a pisser

Offense Report No: 07-100558 Date: 2-15-07 Type of Offense: Attempted Robbery/Unlawful Sexual Assault/Aggravated Assault Location of Offense: Near City Park Weapon/Tool Used: Penis

Getting robbed would really piss most people off, and although they say it's better to be pissed off than pissed on, one urinating bandit left his victim not sure which was worse two weeks ago.

It happened in an alley on 17th and Vine, when one woman was celebrating her 22nd birthday. An unknown 5-foot-10-inch, 200-pound Hispanic male wearing a Hooters ball cap, jeans and a black leather jacket ran up to her, demanding her wallet and cash. When the victim refused, the suspect threw her onto the ground and peed on her, then kicked her twice.

Someone called an ambulance, and although she was pissed, the victim was okay and refused transport.

Denver Police Spokesman Sonny Jackson said that he is not aware of any other similar cases. — Luke Turf

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Joel Warner is a former staff writer for Westword and International Business Times. He's also written for WIRED, Men's Journal, Men's Health, Bloomberg Businessweek, Popular Science, Slate, Grantland and many other publications. He's co-author of the 2014 book The Humor Code: A Global Search for What Makes Things Funny, published by Simon & Schuster.
Contact: Joel Warner