Jared Polis is having a tough year on TV

This season’s American Idol has sung its last note and
Dancing With the Stars has taken a bow, but two more reality
shows — with real Colorado connections — are about to ride
the airwaves. Pitchmen is a Discovery Channel series that pairs
infomercial king Billy Mays, who made his name with Denver-based
Orange Glo and still pitches the company’s OxiClean and Kaboom, with
witty Brit Anthony “Sully ” Sullivan, who brought us the Swivel
Sweeper, TapLight and Smart Chopper, as they travel the world in search
of new inventions and new products to hawk on TV. The show, which
debuted in April, will have new episodes starting May 27.

And over on The Bachelorette, which launched May 18, a stable
of studly suitors, including Mark Huebner, described as a “pizza
entrepreneur” from Denver, will seek the affections of Jillian
Harris, a 29-year-old restaurant designer from Canada. Huebner’s
LinkedIn profile says he’s the managing partner of the Denver Pizza
Company, and although that restaurant has yet to deliver a pie,
Westword operatives did find a sign at 309 West 11th Avenue that
reads “Denver Pizza Company: Opening Soon!”

Then there’s Freshman Year, CNN’s YouTube-y reality show
about two totally different congressmen picked to serve in the
House of Representatives. In a March 4 post on the Latest Word, we made
the following predictions: conservative Utah father-of-three Jason
Chaffetz would get drunk in a hot tub; liberal and openly gay
Jared Polis of Boulder would get kicked out of a nightclub; and
both of them would get into a nasty, spit-in-your-face fight with
Nancy Pelosi over who drank the last Red Bull.

Sadly, none of these predications came true, and Westword
writer Melanie Asmar knows, because she recently subjected
herself to episodes five through ten of the series, in which the two
lawmakers hold the cameras and take viewers through their lives —
very dull lives, full of cheeseburgers and complaints about foot
blisters. As a result, we decided that one of them — either
burger-loving Chaffetz or blister-hating Polis — must be voted
off the island.

Our vote is Polis. Asmar’s episode-by-episode breakdown on our
Latest Word blog will tell you why.

Scene and herd: Last Wednesday, former senator Gary
Hart moderated “Judging Guantanamo: Does Providing International
Terrorism Suspects with Constitutional Protections Compromise Our
National Security?,” a CELL-sponsored discussion between Charles
Stimson, former Department of Defense deputy assistant secretary
for detainee affairs, and Gabor Rona, international legal
director for Human Rights First.

Hart’s lead-off question was a surgical first strike: “Is
waterboarding torture?” he asked. But Stimson ably deflected it. “I
think waterboarding is torture,” he said. “I’ve always maintained
that.” And he took some heat for his position when he returned to the
defense department in 2006.

“I was waterboarded by the press one time,” Hart said.

“So was I,” Stimson replied.

“Not like I was,” Hart told him.

After all, coverage of Hart’s cruise on the Monkey Business with
Donna Rice was enough to drown his presidential hopes.