The USA Weekend magazine included in the June 29 Denver Post and oodles of other newspapers across These United States contained an unfortunate surprise -- and I'm not talking about the feature story on Jimmy Buffett (although, frankly, that makes sense in this context, too). No, the scary part was the uncanny resemblance between the illustration of Buffett on the mag's cover and Mikhail Gorbachev. Other than the missing red-wine birthmark on the forehead, they could be the same person -- which should strike fear into the hearts of many a man of a certain age. Is this what we've got to look forward to? We live our lives as best we can, exercise, eat right, drink in moderation (even when in Margaritaville), and we still end up looking like a former leader of the Soviet Union? Make mine a double, barkeep. -- Michael Roberts