O. M. F. G.! Us Weekly, the best magazine ever and the reason it takes us twenty extra minutes at the grocery store checkout counter because we're engrossed in reading "Stars! They're just like us!," has all the dirt on Melo and Lala's wedding last weekend. Including this tidbit: Guests Serena Williams and Kim Kardashian took photos of their butts in the reception's photo booth and inscribed them with "You can't handle this!"
Other juicy details revealed by Us Weekly:
• Bride Lala Vazquez wore a strapless organza Vera Wang gown. (Snooze.) Then, for the reception, she changed into a frock by a designer we've never heard of because we shop at the Banana Republic. Outlet store.
• The restaurant where the nuptials were held was decorated with hundreds of thousands of imported red roses, because red is groom Carmelo Anthony's favorite color. (Not powder blue and gold? No? Anyone?)
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• LeBron James was the first guest to hit the dance floor. (Which maybe means he was the most drunk.)
• The guests ate beef for dinner and red velvet cake complete with an edible gold monogram for dessert. (Just like at Melo's b-day party! What's his obsession with eating himself?)
• The "party space" at the reception came complete with a "red patent leather canopy bed for lounging." (Or group sex. Obvi.)
So there you have it. For more -- and to see pics of Matthew McConaughey drinking pina coladas out of a coconut! -- pick up the latest issue of Us Weekly. Or, if you're just like us (!!!), read it in line at the King Soopers and then put it back on the shelf.