How is a sense of outrage like an asshole? Everyone has one.
Okay, old joke. Want a new one? How about Representative Lauren Boebert's utter inability to serve anything but her own interests?
Her newsletter on Saturday, March 27, offers plenty of proof. She starts by paraphrasing Scripture — a dangerous enough thing in and of itself, since sections of the original text are so inherently problematic. You know, the stuff literalists have to pretend isn't in there: that women shouldn't wear anything attractive (1 Timothy 2:9), that no one should ever get remarried (Mark 10:11), none of us should be eating bacon (Leviticus 11:4, and also my doctor). It's the sort of humbug that would make Jesus roll his eyes like a fifteen-year-old getting a lecture from his churchy aunt. And it's especially galling coming from a politician like Boebert, who embraces piety as long as it's not about overstating mileage records or standing by a man who exposes himself to minors while bowling.
But the real sticking point for Boebert comes in her bit about the inappropriate use of American tragedies to promote an agenda: She wants to have in both ways. In that same newsletter, she uses the Boulder shooting as an excuse to say this: "Our hearts are heavy, but the answer is not to politicize this tragedy and use it as an excuse to strip away constitutional rights." That's right: She couldn't even get through one sentence before politicizing the tragedy.
Boebert's extreme hypocrisy isn't just limited to her newsletter. She's all over the place on Twitter, using the Boulder shooting to try to score political points against the current administration while at the same time claiming to be horrified by those using the tragedy for their own ends. And she wasted no time in doing so.
Boebert and those thinking, rational folks who oppose her do have one opinion in common: Yes, it’s contemptible for anyone to make political points on the loss of life. But it’s especially monstrous to try to make money off a homegrown tragedy. Boebert is guilty of both these things, sending out a fundraising email time-stamped only two hours after the shooting began, asking for supporters to “pitch in” whatever they could afford to help fight “radical liberals” from taking away the “sacred rights” of unfettered gun ownership. Worse, she sent this message only an hour or so on the heels of an obligatory “thoughts and prayers” tweet.
But Boebert didn't spend all her time thinking about Boulder. In her newsletter, the representative for Colorado's 3rd Congressional District also boasted about a new resolution she'd introduced in Congress, calling for Antifa to be designated a domestic terrorist organization. “When an organization targets the home of a sitting U.S. Senator, burns down cities across the country, and murders Americans because of their political beliefs, it would normally be designated a terrorist organization," Boebert quotes herself saying. "Instead, Democrats like Kamala Harris fundraise to bail them out of prison. ANTIFA, and the Democrats who support it, are enemies of the American people.”
Whew. There's a lot there, most of it drawn from misinformation purveyed by Fox News and its ilk, but the rancid cherry on top is how Boebert goes out of her way to link the vice president to this imagined threat, as though she were standing outside every county lockup paying to bail out murderers with twenties earned through heroin sales and abortions.
The weirdest part is that Antifa, at least as Boebert and her Fox friends are concerned, doesn't really exist. Not like the far-right groups that are rightly already designated as domestic terrorists. Antifa is at best an umbrella term for people who show up to protests and events in order to oppose fascism. In that, pretty much all of America back in the "Greatest Generation" was Antifa. Half the world waged World War II in order to be Antifa. Captain America is a pop-culture fictional hero based on the opposition to fascism. Boebert wants to equate loose philosophy with pack mentality. She wants a bogeyman for the far right to oppose, like the left does with white-supremacist organizations such as Stormfront and the Proud Boys, demurring on the fact that those latter groups are, you know, actual groups.
Our favorite fictitious tipster found a list of other groups that could be the focus of future Boebert legislative action and terrorist designation — this one was on the back of a letter written to several local bowling alleys asking to be readmitted for league play as long as all Boebert pants stay fully zipped. The lineup:
The American Media
This one's easy: President Donald Trump called the press out as "the enemy of the people" not two years ago this April. The fourth estate not being counted as a terrorist organization? Fake news.
Those Without Christmas Cheer
Do you hang your stocking with the toe to the left or the right? If it's not to the right, then you're a terrorist.
Rapists and drug dealers in giant caravans, remember? Mixed in, of course, with "good people" whom Boebert and the GOP stalwart are pretending to care about so they can pretend to be on the correct side of a border crisis.
Lose track of who's against whom? That's sort of the point.
Colleges and Universities
Boebert calls these institutions of higher learning both "liberal indoctrination camps," and "places I have not gone." GPA shouldn't stand for "grade point average." It's should mean "Guns, Prayer, and Absolute Power," which admittedly would probably be GPAP, but anyone who'd point that out has clearly been a victim of ivory-tower mind-washing and should be ignored.
He said he wanted to take our guns, and Boebert told him: "Hell, no." While this doesn't make him a terrorist (let alone a terrorist organization), that story is the entire reason for Boebert being in office, as she tells it a lot.
All Black People in Georgia Who Vote or Want To
Boebert doesn't keep up with politics outside her constituency — and by "her constituency," we mean her heavily armed regulars at Shooters Grill. So she's not entirely up on what happened in Georgia, but if Sean Hannity and Jeanine Pirro say it's terrible, then Boebert has her marching orders.
Questioners of Authority
As long as the authority concerned is controlled by the GOP, it should not be up for debate. But if the Democrat Party is in control, it's the civic duty of all Americans to argue with everything.
Seriously. These guys have had it coming for a long, long time.
Any other groups that might be mislabeled as terrorists? Chime in at email@example.com.
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