An Open Letter to the Monforts: Sell the Rockies Now

Dear Charlie and Dick,

How are you doing? I know Saturday was tough, what with your Colorado Rockies' historic 25-1 home loss to the Los Angeles Angels making the most embarrassing national headlines conceivable, and there are more difficult days ahead, since the team is terrible in a seemingly infinite number of ways. But you live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, and while the cost of housing in Denver remains high, you'll definitely be able to keep a roof overhead — especially if you take my advice.

Because should you sell the baseball team in which you hold majority interest, as you absolutely should do today, right away, immediately, you'll become billionaires.

Collective billionaires, that is. According to Sportico, the outfit in which you hold majority interest is valued at $1.37 billion.

That amount is a long distance from the clubhouse leader, the New York Yankees, whose projected worth stands at $7.13 billion; it's good for just 23rd place among the thirty Major League Baseball units. But such a bonanza almost certainly represents more dough than you've got now (an estimate from a couple of years ago put your combined stack at around $700 million), and the longer you wait, the less you're likely to make. At a time when the price tags on sports franchises are hitting dizzying heights, Sportico says the Rockies are worth 4 percent less than they were at this time last year.

And based on the Colorado players' performances thus far during the 2023 season, that decline isn't going to turn around anytime soon.
The Rockies' defeat to the Angels on June 24 is emblematic of the year to date. Statistics from ESPN show that Los Angeles had never scored that many runs in a single game since its debut in 1961. Colorado's 24-run shortfall was also the third-largest in the so-called live-ball era, which began in 1920, more than a century ago, and the margin of victory was the most since the Baltimore Orioles fell 27 runs shy of the Texas Rangers during a game in 2007.

This year is notable, since 2007 marks the one and only time when the Rockies made it to the World Series. The entire Monfort family has been living off that achievement for the intervening sixteen years, but hindsight makes it clear that Colorado's journey to the promised land was a glorious fluke. The Rockies went on an absolutely absurd late-season run to make the post-season competition and blitz through the early round of the playoffs, only for the Boston Red Sox to shatter the glass slipper.

A headline from the Onion in the days following the local team's 4-0 ouster from the Fall Classic captures the situation perfectly: "Colorado Rockies: 'What the Fuck Just Happened?'"

Dunno, but as our 2017 list of the worst, most heartbreaking Rockies moments makes clear, the squad has experienced plenty of bad.

Remember the 2000 spending spree, when Colorado dropped a combined $172 million to secure the services of two veteran left-handed pitchers, Mike Hampton and Denny Neagle, only to have both acquisitions turn out to be mega-busts? How about the dumbest injury ever, when Clint Barmes broke his collarbone in 2005 while carrying deer meat up his stairs? The 2010 collapse when the Rockies dropped thirteen of their last fourteen games to miss the playoffs? The losing streak on Sundays that stretched to seventeen excruciating games before finally ending in 2011? Or the 2013 mug shot of Todd Helton, inarguably one of the greatest players in Rockies history, after a DUI involving lottery tickets and wine in Igloo cups?

We wish we didn't.

Meanwhile, Denver has become a city of champions. The Nuggets finally broke through earlier this month to secure their first-ever NBA title. The Colorado Avalanche earned their third Stanley Cup a year ago. And although the Denver Broncos' most recent Super Bowl was back in 2016, its new owners, led by Walmart heir Rob Walton, are clearly willing to do whatever's necessary to right the ship.

The same can't be said about you two Monforts. Yes, you ponied up big dough to ink former Chicago Cub Kris Bryant, but given his declining skills, that was more of a public-relations gesture than a smart baseball move, as his middling work at the plate has demonstrated. Moreover, had he worked out, you would have almost certainly allowed another team to swoop in and grab him rather than break the bank to keep him around. Example: Nolan Arenado.

As for the rest of Colorado's current lineup, it's populated by mostly anonymous underachievers. At this point, only one person in the entire dugout is batting over .300 (Nolan Jones, at .316), a sole baller has gotten to double-digit home runs (Ryan McMahon, with twelve) despite being based in the ultimate hitters' ballpark, and alleged pitching ace Kyle Freeland has an earned-run average of 4.54. As a result, the Rox have a record of 31-49, good for last place in the National League West — and no one expects that to change in the foreseeable future.

So, Charlie and Dick, the time has come to put the Rockies on the block and let someone take a swing who actually cares about success rather than predictable concessions revenue from patrons often rooting for Colorado's opponents. It won't be easy: We know your personal identities are caught up in owning the Rockies, and giving that up will leave a hole in your lives. But while scads of money won't entirely fill the gap, it'll be fun to try. And making this move will give Colorado baseball fans something they haven't had in a long time: hope.

Love,

Michael Roberts, longtime baseball fan and Westword writer