Bore no more: Patricia Calhoun, why don't you leave the city? Westword has a number of fine writers on staff, chiefly Michael Roberts, Adam Cayton-Holland, Jason Sheehan and Dave Herrera, but your own column is the most boring, predictable and vitriolic part of the paper.
Your June 2 "Tour de Farce" is a perfect example of this. You take a minor event like the IRE convention and use it to drag out a numerated list of your favorite Every Denver Official Is a Moron causes, including Rocky Flats (check your calendar; that story is over a decade old), JonBenét Ramsey (a single murder approaching the decade mark) and your bizarre defense of poor, misunderstood convention-bureau boss Eugene Dilbeck, who lost his job because he okayed using bureau money for a party at a fucking strip club. No doubt that if you had been the one to uncover this party, you would have led the charge for Mr. Dilbeck's head.
As it stands, you have an uncanny ability to sense any reasonable and widely held opinion and immediately bang out a column pointing out what an idiotic hick everyone living on the Front Range is -- excluding yourself, of course.
The joke's on us: This is pretty simple, just some words of praise. Adam Cayton-Holland, you crack me the fuck up! Your sense of humor is on the money -- a rare thing in this society of average. Thank you for that, and keep it up.
Mix and match: I agree with Adam Cayton-Holland's June 9 What's So Funny? Yes, Chipotle needs to start mixing it together.
After 42 years on the planet, I have come to accept most things. But one pet peeve that still makes me go ballistic is the "10 items or less line." If someone is in line with over ten items, I just think they need to be taken out to the parking lot and shot. Can't these people read? Or are they just trying to piss me off? It is really unacceptable.
Well, I did have another pet peeve: that show Lost. It is so fucking stupid. Let's mix Gilligan's Island, Castaway and that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer claymation/cartoon show (who can forget the Island of Misfit Toys?) all together and make a TV show!
I have gotten over the Lost peeve. But "10 items or less"? Never!
Stir crazy: Stir the burrito? Please, God, no! The best part of a Chipotle burrito is that you can get different tastes in different bites and it doesn't all mix up. You get large chunks of semi-melted cheese, a mouthful of cilantro rice, or bites that combine ten or more flavors. It's up to you. That's the beauty of a Chipotle burrito.
Bean and nothingness: Goddammit, I've been saying that for years! I've even tried this with Chipotle: "Could you put the beans on top of the rice?" The results varied. The first time I tried, I got a blank stare, as though I was asking them to count each grain of rice or something difficult and outlandish like that. The second time, I got a large bed of rice with the beans occupying three-quarters of the middle, thus still leaving me with rice-bites. I don't like Chipotle rice all by itself, goddammit! Mixed with the other ingredients: good. All by itself: bad.
Now, thanks to What's So Funny?, I know I'm not the crazy one -- or maybe there are others just as crazy as me!
Den of inequity: Regarding the June 9 Off Limits item about the Donkey Den.
Denver has come a long way. So many new and wonderful businesses have filled the landscape; one must commend every one for making this town a better place to live. An exception to that general feeling came to my attention today, sadly named the Donkey Den. I was struck by their bottom-shelf approach to marketing, which makes fun of and glorifies criminal sexual behavior and violence. Anyone familiar with the terms they use to bring a "style" to their offering knows that it is anything but enticing. The thought of eating burgers and fries in a place where the innuendos are based on sex with animals, prostitution and human trafficking is enough to make one puke.
If violent, low-level, sexually disturbed clientele is what they're after, they couldn't have scraped the bottom of the brothel better. I strongly urge the owners to take their adolescent heads out of their asses and give people a business worth their time and money.