More Messages: Something's Gunny

KOA talk-show host Bob Newman is a man who likes his weaponry, as the poor gobbler pictured here learned firsthand. The former Marine gunnery sergeant has written a slew of books over the years, ranging from The Complete Guide to Waterfowling in Maine: The Best Locations, Strategies, and Equipment: Bagging Maine's Ducks and Geese to Guerrillas In The Mist: A Battlefield Guide To Clandestine Warfare, featuring a forward written by Robert K. Brown.

Newman's latest tome, Minefields to Microphones: Global Asymmetric Warfare, the Radical Left, and Winning the War on Terror, published by Paladin Press, is as all over the map as its title. The first section goes after predictable national targets such as "Hanoi" John Kerry and Michael Moore, as well as some local media figures, including Denver Post columnists Diane Carman and Jim Spencer (described as "the usual anti-freedom suspects") and Rocky Mountain News media commentator Jason Salzman, dismissed as "a hero of Communist Party USA."

As for part two, it focuses on terrorism, with Newman offering a ten-point plan he feels would help end this scourge. His suggestions include the removal of terror-supporting heads of state using any method short of nuclear attack (see? he's reasonable) and a sea-based prisoner of war program that would place "all illegal-combatant prisoners" aboard jail ships floating in international waters to "reduce the distraction level produced by third-party interference."

The press also earns a bullet point. Newman's "Journalist and Media Accountability Policy" declares: "Any person within the U.S. media suspected of being in possession of classified government material will be immediately and fully investigated along with their parent media company. Media representatives, supervisors, and their parent companies found to be in possession of said material will be arrested and charged under the U.S. Code."

Those not sufficiently frightened by these ideas can get a pure dose of them at 7:30 p.m. on Monday, October 9, when Newman reads from his book at the Colfax branch of the Tattered Cover. But take adequate precautions. After all, Newman shoots from the lip, too. -- Michael Roberts

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts