Photos: Here's Why You Visitors Shouldn't Move to Colorado

Last year, we highlighted items on a poster offering twenty reasons why Denver sucks and you shouldn't move here — the idea being to dissuade folks from relocating so those of us already here can enjoy the Mile High City while having a little more elbow room.

A hilarious audio clip shared by Nerf at Area 93.3 strikes the same theme — and we liked it so much that we photo-illustrated it.

As you'll see, some of the arguments offered are legitimate. For instance, we're pissed there are still no In-N-Out Burgers available here.

Others are more debatable. Last time we checked, for instance, Cherry Creek Reservoir isn't actually "full of poo." But maybe we didn't look closely enough....

Whatever the case, the following claims probably won't keep anyone away. But they will put a smile on your face.

Check out the assorted claims below, followed by the original audio version.

Hey, if you're traveling in Colorado right now, we welcome you.

But you don't want to move here.

This place is perfect for us....

...but there's no In-N-Out Burger....

...3.2 beer at the grocery store....

It's super-dry, so cracked knuckles and chapped lips are an everyday thing.

The mountains are tough for hylophobics. You know: fear of trees.

And there's bears, too.


Plus, you can't buy a car on Sunday....

...even though you can buy a gun.

The Cherry Creek Res is mostly poo....

...plus, the radio stations suck.

There's Dealin' Doug.

You can barely ski in July.

The nearest White Castle is quite a schlep.

The surfing is shitty.

Oh, and Nebraska's all, like, touching us all the time.

So thanks for stopping by...but don't move here. We're full. Yeah.


Send your story tips to the author, Michael Roberts.