Tom Brady, who'll lead the New England Patriots against Peyton Manning and your Denver Broncos on Sunday night, is regarded by many folks as one of the most beautiful humans on the planet. But for inexplicable reasons, he frequently undermines his natural gorgeousness with hairstyles that range from the dubious to the laugh-inducing, as you'll see in our collection of Brady's top hair-don'ts. They're supplemented by a video in which he gets over an in-game freak-out just in time to make sure his locks look lovely. Count down the top ten below. Number 10: The true Belieber
No, the shot on the right isn't a computer-aged shot of what Justin Bieber will look like when he's in his thirties. It's Tom at his most Beliebable.
Number 9: The Bro
Who says Tom's gotten too rich and famous to mix in with the bros?
Continue to keep counting down our picks for Tom Brady's ten most unwise hairdos. Number 8: The Half-Caesar
Brady resists the urge to do the full Caesar and comb his hair straight down. Instead, he gives it just enough of an angle that he can pretend he's not emulating Julius even though he is.
Number 7: The Hairy Shearer
When Tom-boy sheared off his golden locks, a nation wept.
Continue to keep counting down our picks for Tom Brady's ten most unwise hairdos. Number 6: The Mountain Man
Go ahead and grow that beard, Tom. But here in Colorado, we can tell the difference between a fake Mountain Man and the real thing.
Number 5: The Faux-Sideburns Flap
Yes, Tom can grow real sideburns -- but why should that stop him for adapting a hairstyle perfected by twelve-year-old boys who haven't sprouted their first whisker yet but want to pretend.
Continue to keep counting down our picks for Tom Brady's ten most unwise hairdos. Number 4: The Tie-Back
Not quite a ponytail, but also not not quite a ponytail.
Number 3: The Slick-Back
Wonder how many hair-product manufacturers Brady's keeping in business....
Continue to keep counting down our picks for Tom Brady's ten most unwise hairdos. Number 2: All Natural Tom
Of course, when Brady goes without product, the results can be pretty scary.
Number 1: The Pompa-Hawk
We understand that during Brady's mating ritual, his Pompa-Hawk gets even bigger.
And now, as a special bonus, here's a video of Brady bitching out teammates -- after which he makes sure his hair looks spectacular.
Send your story tips to the author, Michael Roberts.
More from our Tim Tebow archive circa December 2011: "Photos: Tim Tebow vs. Tom Brady, an intangibles point-counterpoint."
Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.