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Sex scandal sheriff Terry Maketa apology video, alternative subtitles version

El Paso County Sheriff Terry Maketa is admitting he's been a bad, bad boy. After he was targeted with allegations about improper relations with several women on his staff, not to mention promotions based on sexual favors, the county commissioners unanimously passed a vote of no confidence. But he has no plans to resign, and this weekend, he sent employees a video obtained by the Colorado Springs Gazette in which he mixed apologies with statements about his intention to serve out his term.

The clip is of such dubious quality that the Gazette has added subtitles that make the results even more awkward -- and they've inspired us to come up with subtitles for the other subtitles revealing what Maketa may have been thinking. Look below to check out the strange results, followed by the original video.

What he may have been thinking: "I tried to get out of it, but my wife made me." What he may have been thinking: "Has anyone seen my pants?" What he may have been thinking: "I've seen this work for criminals before, so I thought I'd give it a try." What he may have been thinking: "Yep, you guessed it. I'm not going anywhere." What he may have been thinking: "By 'better,' I mean better at the good behavior stuff. I'm already excellent at bad behavior." Continue for more of the Sheriff Terry Maketa apology, alternative subtitles version. What he may have been thinking: "And for getting caught, which was an even bigger drag." What he may have been thinking: "This fucking blows. Can I be done yet?" What he may have been thinking: "If I'd wanted to star in my own reality show, I would have gone on Big Brother. Wonder if they'd be interested now?" What he may have been thinking: "My mission's a little different from yours. More fun, I'll bet." What he may have been thinking: "Christ, I'm not done yet? Can I just text the rest?" Continue for more of the Sheriff Terry Maketa apology, alternative subtitles version. What he may have been thinking: "Wink, wink, nudge, nudge." What he may have been thinking: "I don't mean that in a dirty way, unless that's how you took it -- in which case I can be flexible." What he may have been thinking: :"Come on, let me ride this out. I won't be around for much longer, I swear!" What he may have been thinking: "Frankly, I don't know how you're going to get along without me. I'm a tough act to follow." What he may have been thinking: "Of course, some of you are in better shape than others." Continue for more of the Sheriff Terry Maketa apology, alternative subtitles version. What he may have been thinking: "In fact, how about no changes. Can I stay? Please?" What he may have been thinking: "Well, fuck you, too." What he may have been thinking: "For instance, we'll continue to strictly enforce 'No Bra Fridays.'" What he may have been thinking: "Pride in the name of love." What he may have been thinking: "Do you think they bought it?"

Here's the complete video:

Send your story tips to the author, Michael Roberts.

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