Spanish Ex-Pat Suckers

06.06.07 London Heathrow Airport


A damn good thing you didn't send along that wire-transfer, because the German attorney turned out to be a total fraud. I would also say that The Professor is a long, long way from the friendly confines of academia. I should have known he was slipping when he gave me a C- for the last course I took from him in college. I can only hope that this Zambia deal is not another snipe hunt like those alleged Franquistas back in Mallorca. In fact, after spending some QT with the moto gang the other night (good folks once you get past the riot gear and gasoline), I suspect that Werner (the attorney) and the Professor are the real Fascists. The moto guys were cool enough to let me onto the hot track when they were doing time trials, so I got some ace shots of them taking jumps and such. I really have to find a way to get some of these action shots off my digital camera, because they're total Sports Page stuff. By the way, I told the cycle riders I was with the "American sporting press" so if any weird-sounding Mallorcans call your office looking for me, just play along, okay?

Once Werner realized that the money wasn't coming from Denver for the moto/Fascist angle, he started in on what he claimed to be some "authentic" love letters from Franco to one of the young girls in the village. Why he imagined that I'd be interested in such pap is beyond me, especially since it was pretty obvious to even my untrained eye that the "love letters" were written on Lufthansa Airline stationary. Those guys must've figured me for a rube.

At any rate, I didn't give those two chiselers a dime aside from the €200 I paid for some South African Airlines "Companion Pass" upgrade chits I bought from Werner for the 12-hour flight I'm about to take. These passes didn't get me into the Biz Class lounge, but I'm sure they'll be plenty of free beer on the plane. It must be one of those new Boeing super jets because my seat is something like 44 C--which is a hell of a long ways back from the front for Biz Class. It's probably one of those double-decker jobs with a cocktail lounge and video game parlor up in the bubble. I don't read German, so it's hard to decipher exactly what these upgrade vouchers are for, but I'm sure I got the better end of the deal because I looked online and saw an upgrade on this flight is like a thousand bucks. Those two hacks will be glad to have me off the island so I can't screw up any more of their swindles.

I'll let you know the score when I get to Africa tomorrow.

Tony Perez-Giese

KEEP WESTWORD FREE... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Crystal Preston-Watson