Ten other things Sarah Palin may mistakenly think the Vice President does

Sarah Palin in an interview for 9News' Your Show.

Sarah Palin's interview this week for 9News's Your Show, which can be sampled below, includes a bit where she's answering questions from grade-schoolers. One of them asks what the Vice President does, and Palin answers that (among other things) the Veep is "in charge of the Senate, so if they want to, they can really get in there with the Senators and make a lot of good policy changes..." Great, except that's totally wrong. Asking Sarah Palin what the Vice President does seems dangerously close to asking Dan Quayle how to spell "potato."

Here are ten other things for which Palin might incorrectly assume the Vice President of the United States is responsible.

10. Captain of the White House Hockey Team

Palin should be excused in making the assumption that the Vice President has something to do with hockey, seeing as how her "Hockey Mom" qualifications were apparently key to her selection for the McCain ticket.

9. Reading Every Newspaper and Magazine

Seriously, Governor Palin -- this is what interns and bloggers are for.

8. Approving Supreme Court Decisions

I know, I know -- the Vice President can see the Justice Department from her front porch. Once again, the view from a person’s front door affects nothing but home resale value.

7. Head Librarian, Library of Congress

The mandate of this venerable agency is to fill the shelves, Governor, not cull them. On the other hand, spending some time perusing the vast stores of information there might be a really, really good idea for you, as they do have information about things like the duties of the Vice President of the United States, the balance of powers and, you know, science.

6. Wardrobe Procurement

Spending $150,000 on clothing and makeup since her Vice President nomination isn’t just approaching ridiculous; it’s running smack into ridiculous, tackling it, putting lipstick all over it, and then naming it Joe Six-Pack.

5. Washington, D.C., Gun Club Marshal

No, she can’t shoot something from Marine One. Besides, most of the packs of wolves in the nation’s capital got spooked and went into hiding after Jack Abramoff was indicted.

4. Special Envoy From Separatist Movements Nationwide

Come to think of it, she could actually serve in this capacity. But it wouldn’t be official.

3. National eBay Manager of Resale

Despite the White House being full of knick-knacky stuff, it is not the job of the Vice President to unload them on eBay. Yes, even if you have a blue star and a 100 percent feedback rating. I’m going to have to ask you to put down the presidential china and back away slowly, Governor.

2. Judging the Miss USA Pageant

This is not something that Vice Presidents of the United States do. On the bright side, she’ll definitely get the chance to serve a grateful nation in this way if she loses in November.

1. Junior Decider

If Sarah Palin really wants to take after Dick Cheney, she’d take on the mantle of Double Secret Senior Decider, but no reason to nitpick.

Click below to see Palin's grade-school response, which she shared with 9News's Adam Schrager. -- Teague Bohlen

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
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