The Ultimate Croc

It’s hard to miss the ever-proliferating product line of Niwot-based Crocs, those happy-go-ugly purveyors of crayon-colored plastic boat shoes. Factories around the world are now cranking out enough of the patented closed-resin, hole-riddled footwear to fill endless miles of future landfills. Wal-Marts are teeming with endless knockoffs and logo-riddled variations, including yes, purple versions for Rockies fans. And so many seniors have adopted the kiddy clogs that the brand earned a derisive nod from today’s installment of the geriatric comic strip “Pickles.”

But among so many goofy choices of Disney Crocs, pirate Crocs, Crocs with canvas or leather uppers, Crocs ballet slippers, you name it, it’s hard to find a more unsightly contribution to the clown-shoe line than the just-unveiled MAMMOTH, a Croc with a fleecy, faux-fur lining. The shoes have holes in them like the original design, but they’ll still keep your feet toasty—the holes are fake, too. Imagine: plastic shoes with fake fur and fake holes! What could be more hip this winter? – Alan Prendergast