According to the narrative section of the report, Thornton police officers received a report of a possible drunk driver at a few minutes after 2 a.m. on Wednesday, February 6, from a person following behind. The vehicle in question, a Ford F150 pickup, had allegedly struck a median before pulling into a Conoco station at 128th Avenue and Colorado Boulevard.
A pair of cops headed to the Conoco and soon spotted the truck with its driver's side door open and the engine still running. No one was inside, but a moment later, Helton emerged from the interior portion of the station carrying a wallet, chewing tobacco and some lottery tickets -- suggesting that his most recent salary negotiations with the Rockies haven't been going all that well.
Oh yeah: Helton was wearing camouflage. He probably looked something like this.......except Peyton Manning wasn't with him.
Luckily for Peyton.
One of the cops asked Helton for his driver's license, and he headed to the passenger side to look for it -- apparently forgetting that he'd put his wallet on the driver's side front seat. Once an officer pointed out the billfold, Helton managed to find the license inside it. Amazing!
When Helton was told another driver had seen him hit a curb with his truck, he denied doing so -- but given that the witness was speaking to the officer's partner and had consented to provide a written statement, this assertion was in dispute. So was Helton's sobriety; he's said to have smelled strongly of alcohol and was slurring his words like a champ. Nonetheless, he eventually consented to perform roadside maneuvers -- although he noted that he had bad hips.
There's no mention of how Helton did while going through the routine, but his grade must not have been outstanding given that he was arrested shortly thereafter. En route to the police station, he agreed to take a breath test after having the process described to him several times.
While being booked, Helton volunteered that he'd guzzled two Igloo cups of red wine at about 8 p.m. the night before.
If that's all he consumed and he was still blotto six hours later, those Igloo cups must have been the size of tanks at Sea World.
Here's a larger look at Helton's mug shot, followed by the complete police report.
More from our Mug Shots archive: "Twenty most memorable athletes' mug shots -- in honor of Todd Helton."