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United pilot Erwin Washington, a former Air Force Academy basketball standout who currently makes his home in Lakewood, has been busted in London for allegedly flying drunk. Don’t know if the crew member who turned him in did so because he wouldn’t pass the bottle. Whatever the case, Washington’s clearly got some explaining to do. Here’s five excuses he might try floating:
5. “I always drink Red Bull to stay alert on long flights — and it’s an excellent mixer.”
4. “When my throat gets dry, I lose my focus — and nothing cuts through thirst like my old buddy Jack.”
3. “I thought it was water. I forgot Smirnov is clear, too.”
2. “Do you know how boring it is to sit in that little room for hour after hour? Bet if you had to do it, you’d be ready to plant one on a Mickey’s Big Mouth, too.”
1. “I was all out of meth. And besides, this was a nonsmoking flight.”
