Top ten phrases Loveland should ban next

This week, Loveland City Manager Bill Cahill reportedly banned a series of words and phrases from official communication — mostly meaningless terms such as “orientate,” “proactive,” “paradigm” and (!) “skillage.” It’s a good start — but it turns out Lake Superior State University in Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan, has been doing something similar since 1976. Here are our ten faves from the LSSU list, photo-illustrated for your pleasure. Check them out — but for God’s sake, don’t say them! Number 10: “Pet parent” — although in this case, it’s not so bad, since there definitely is a resemblance…. Number 9: “Captured alive” — because capturing someone dead isn’t really much of a challenge. Click to keep counting down our top ten phrases Loveland should outlaw next. Number 8: “Giving 110 percent.” If you actually figure out a way to give more than 100 percent, your math teacher’s head will explode. Number 7: “Thrown under the bus.” After all, wouldn’t getting thrown under a steamroller be even worse? Click to keep counting down our top ten phrases Loveland should outlaw next. Number 6: “Completely surrounded” — as opposed to being surrounded in a way that makes it easy to escape? Number 5: “Tuna fish.” Without that second word, it could be a “Tuna bird,” or a “Tuna cow,” or maybe a “Tuna platypus.” Click to keep counting down our top ten phrases Loveland should outlaw next. Number 4: “The honest truth” — a phrase that can also be interpreted as “I’m lying, but doing it with a really sincere look on my face.” Number 3: “Bare naked” — unless the expression “Fully clothed naked” is more common than we realize. Click to keep counting down our top ten phrases Loveland should outlaw next. Number 2: “LOL” and every other text-abbreviation cliche with the exception of “WTF” — because, as Phil from Modern Family reminds us, it actually means, “Why the face?” Number 1: “We’re pregnant.” Until you squeeze a baby out of your private parts, pal, I’m pretty sure you’re using the wrong pronoun. Follow and like the Michael Roberts/Westword Facebook page.

More from our Lists & Weirdness archive: “Bizarre classroom posters from the ’70s, Part 4: School’s out!“