Breakfast and Brunch

Milking It: Corn Flakes Touch of Honey/Toque de Miel

Corn Flakes Touch of Honey/Toque de Miel Kellogg's Rating: Two spoons out of four

Cereal description: Yes, they're flakes made of corn. But unlike other flakes made of corn -- or corn flakes, if you insist -- they give off a glossy bronze glow, as if they've been spending most of their free time by the pool, absorbing beams directly from the sun overhead as well as those bouncing off the artificially blue water. In other words, they're the George Hamilton of corn flakes.

Box description: The red Kellogg's logo is tucked beneath a bold "NEW!" banner that towers over the words "Corn Flakes," printed in a font familiar to generations of breakfasters. This time around, though, the words appear against an odd, faded blur in the middle of an overexposed-looking approximation of honeycombs -- a solar flare disrupting a geometrical computer graphic. The lower half of the box features a blue wave that serves as a backdrop for an illustration of a honey jar, with the inevitable drizzler, plus the words "Touch of Honey" and, unexpectedly, "Toque de Miel." Kellogg's has gone bi! Also in view: a heaping spoonful of the flakes, light reflecting off them suggestively, and Corn Flakes' green-and-red rooster mascot, who's surrounded by a brilliant white corona. The design's so bright that it practically demands sun block. The side panel opposite the nutrition information isn't so elaborate; it features Kellogg's familiar "On Your Mark, Get Set, Go!!!" copy and accompanying clip art. But the back continues the juxtapositioning of English and Spanish, with every line in the former ("Inspired by the goodness of nature") echoed in the latter ("Inspirado por las delicias de la naturaleza"). Betcha the English-only crowd is pissed!

Taste: Back in the day, the bowls pictured up-front on boxes of Corn Flakes tended to include strawberries or other fruit -- a sure sign that the munch needed something extra to be even slightly interesting. The "Touch of Honey" is meant to provide such a boost in this case, and it does -- but barely; the added sweetness isn't nearly enough to lift this stuff to the next flavor level. Although the results are certainly edible, they pack all the punch of a 98-pound weakling after an all-day hike.

Conclusion: These things needed more than a touch of honey.

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts