@EricTrump
Audio By Carbonatix
As we all know, politicians say stupid things every day. But there’s a special thrill when they come up with something they feel is clever or charming or brilliantly insightful without realizing that the take is unfathomably stupid.
Enter Lauren Boebert.
The U.S. Representative for Colorado’s 3rd Congressional District, who most recently made national headlines after she yelled at President Joe Biden during the State of the Union address while he was eulogizing his dead son, has become a beloved figure to comedians and satirists nationwide because of the wealth of material she provides – and in a March 23 tweet, she outdid herself.
“As allergy season gets underway, I encourage everyone to take their allergy medicines so that my allergy medicines can work,” she wrote. “You know, it doesn’t work unless everyone takes it.”
Boebert was no doubt proud of this failed bon mot, since it utilizes a hifalutin literary device – a metaphor! In this case, she was equating allergy medication to COVID-19 vaccines, whose effectiveness in the United States would have been greatly enhanced had all Americans gotten inoculated. Right now, however, only about 65 percent of the public is considered fully immunized, and deaths from the disease in the country are just shy of one million (including over 12,000 in Colorado).
Of course, Boebert’s logic has a hole the size of Uranus: Viruses are communicable and can be passed from person to person, while allergies aren’t. If someone standing near a newly mown lawn sneezes, you’re in no danger of catching hay fever.
Given this immutable fact, here are five variations on Boebert’s tweet that make just as much sense as hers.
1. “I encourage everyone to eat chocolate, so my chocolate will taste good. You know, chocolate doesn’t taste good unless everyone eats it.”
2. “I encourage everyone to comb their hair, so my hair will stay combed. You know, hair doesn’t stay combed unless everyone combs it.”
3. “I encourage everyone to put on sunscreen, so my sunscreen will work. You know, sunscreen doesn’t work unless everyone puts it on.”
4. “I encourage everyone to wear glasses, so my glasses will work. You know, glasses don’t work unless everyone wears them.”
5. “I encourage everyone to vote Republican, so my Republican vote will count. You know, voting Republican doesn’t count unless everyone votes Republican.”
Plenty of people offered barbed responses to Boebert’s observation. Indeed, a large percentage of the more than 3,000 retweets it’s received so far counter her unintentional humor with the purposeful kind – among them one that reads, “Yeah. You’re so right. I remember when I caught that terrible allergy last year from someone who didn’t take their meds because as everyone knows allergies are terribly contagious, and I died.”
Others opted for simplicity like this:
— Will Martin (@Will_MartinS22) March 23, 2022
At the same time, however, Boebert’s tweet garnered more than 21,000 likes – an enormous number for a message that seems so obviously moronic. And the more often she’s attacked by smart-ass liberal elitists, the more popular she seems to become among the people who matter to her most: the voters in her traditionally conservative district.
This presents a weird sort of challenge to political rivals who’d like to unseat her. A February 26 CD3 candidate forum sponsored by the Garfield County Democratic Party attracted nine Democrats who’ve announced runs against her: Alex Walker, Sol Sandoval, Donald Valdez, Colin Wilhelm, Debby Burnett, Kellie Rhodes, Root Routledge, Adam Frisch and Scott Yates, a former Westword staff writer. So far, though, just three – Frisch, Walker and Yates – have filed required petitions with the Colorado Secretary of State’s Office, and only Frisch and Walker, whose introductory campaign video spotlights a Boebert lookalike spraying sewage from a hose, have seen their petitions deemed sufficient. A petition has also been filed by Republican Don Coram.
Without a strong challenger, Boebert has a great chance of being reelected – whether she understands the difference between allergy meds and vaccines or not.
