NFL fans know Chad Ochocinco as a loudmouth. Even back when he had a real last name, 85 constantly chattered with officials, made signs asking not to be fined, tweeted constantly and sought out the spotlight in 1,001 ways.
Call him a clever entertainer or an attention-starved kid; Ochocinco knows how to take media attention to the next level. His latest ploy is deciding to move in with a fan in his new hometown, Boston, for the first few weeks of the season.
Naturally, Patriots fans are clamoring for a chance to live with the team's new receiver. But Chad says there are only a few requirements for his future roommates: They need to have an Xbox and an Internet connection. These are the necessities for Chad Ochocinco. Not a rowing machine or treadmill, not a quiet room he can study the playbook in. Chad's gotta have his Call of Duty multiplayer online.
You have to respect his honesty, at least. It reveals a lot about a person's character what they need to have in their homes, and it's a simpler list than what many other athletes would demand of their roommates. Actually, we have no idea what they would demand, since only Chad Ochocinco is looking for a roommate, but we're confident enough to venture a few guesses:
San Antonio Spurs center Tim Duncan: A separate room for his pet Savannah monitor lizard Reginald and absolute silence.
N.Y. Rangers forward Sean Avery: A wine cellar and a roommate who wears 34/32 pants. "I need some pants," Avery says.
San Diego Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers: A roommate who will stop all the unfairness in the world.
L.A. Lakers forward Ron Artest: An Internet connection and an Xbox. Because he desperately wants to be basketball's Chad Ochocinco.
Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow: For roommates to call him "The Starter," and walking distance to the Denver Art Museum "to get me some culture."
San Francisco Giants closer Brian Wilson: A sturdy comb.
Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning: A readily available audience who will watch him practice that disgusting commercial where he licks Oreos because everybody wants to see that, right?
Rockies first baseman Todd Helton: Someone to explain what BABIP, PECOTA, VORP and all them other wacky words mean, and a tractor.
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Cleveland Browns running back Peyton Hillis: Space for his extensive library and his laboratory for his favorite hobby, amateur archaeology and paleontology.
Miami Heat forward LeBron James: A friend.