In many ways, the rise of the Internet was like the rise of the wild, wild West. Both phenomena drew thrill-seekers and fortune-hunters by the thousands, eager to make a buck off an untamed environment ripe for exploitation. Both saw a rapid and dramatic fallout when it became clear that…
Loyal readers may recall my dear friend Brett, often referred to in these pages as “the law student.” He’s a full-fledged lawyer now — Mazel tov, Brett! Pay me the money you owe me, you cheap bastard — with a keen eye for injustice. And on a recent night on…
If someone where to ask me, “What do you want on your tombstone, Adam?” I would make some hilarious joke about cheese and pepperoni and then say the actual epitaph, which would be this: He held up a mirror, and allowed us to see ourselves in a way that, while…
For some, Greg Baumhauer is the foul-mouthed host of the open-mike comedy night at the Squire Lounge. For others, Baumhauer is the drag-queen waitress making you squirm, then over-tip, at the Bump ‘n’ Grind Cafe. For me, Greg is my comedy partner who recently broke both of his hands swerving…
Mike Gravel is the Democratic presidential candidate most hungry for your friendship. Chris Dodd comes close; he’s so desperate, he’ll thank you for being his friend. “Thanks for the add,” Chris’ll say, dropping off a photograph of himself looking like a guy from a hemorrhoid ad before disappearing deep into…
Check out this hot little snippet of civic cheerleading, available for your perusal any time at www.betterdenver.com. But be forewarned: It just might blow your mind! When we invest in our infrastructure, we save millions of taxpayer dollars down the road. Much like making preventive repairs on your home, 1A…
House of J-Bone, July “I’m Father Time,” Jason Abernethy says with a crooked smile. “Others can talk to you about the bike-messenger scene, I suppose, but they sent you over here because I have an increased vision of bike messengers and time.” Seated in his cramped Capitol Hill apartment, surrounded…
I must be getting soft in my old age. Because there I was, in the children’s section of the downtown Denver Public Library, surrounded by happy kids who love books and learning — and yet for some reason, I could not force myself to sit at one of the public…
If you only recognize Michael Ian Black as the talking head on VH1 or the guy hawking Sierra Mist between first downs, than you have truly been missing out. And you’re an idiot. Because although those appearances are certainly smirk-inducing, Black is a bona fide alternative-comedy superhero, dishing out some…
For several years, my college roommate was Ben, a kid from Oakland who was a diehard A’s fan. Every fall when we got back to school, his beloved Athletics were already storming into the post-season, only to inevitably lose in the first round, usually to the Yankees. I would watch…
Google “Denver.” Go ahead, do it. I promise this is not a trick that will give you that computer virus again where the horrific image of some beastly naked woman becomes your wallpaper and you have to call the IT guy to get rid of it and he looks at…
After every Broncos game, my roommate and bitter, bitter enemy Monty and I sit in the living room and discuss what transpired with our beloved Denver Broncos in that day’s gridiron competition. It’s a ritual as predictable as the turning of the leaves, with Monty generally becoming so frustrated by…
Animal abuse is alive and well in San Francisco’s Chinatown. I learned this firsthand while strolling through that clustered web of streets and alleyways. It was Saturday, late morning, and Chinatown was hemorrhaging Asian hordes. I was floored. Denver just doesn’t have Asians like this. Sure, we have a few,…
Growing up, we often played a game called Smear the Queer. I am not proud of this fact, but it is a part of my childhood that I cannot deny. The game was simple. All you needed was a ball of any shape or size. It was thrown into the…
When the news surfaced that Sir David of Beckham would not be traveling to the beautiful borough of Commerce City, there to grace the feudal throngs with his signature brand of Cockneyed bendery, my heart sank like an Indian preteen in a shitty movie noteworthy only for giving the world…
Ten years ago, “Ponderosa” Harv Teitelbaum caught a segment on CBS Sunday Morning that would change his life. The piece highlighted Peter Jenkins, an Atlanta-based arborist, climbing giant redwoods in California, showing off the new sport he had invented: recreational tree climbing. “I was working for the Colorado Division of…
John Dicker and Joel Peach wanted their inaugural Geek Bowl to be a gala event, so they packed it to the gills with entertainment: music, short films, comedy. But the legions of Geeks who trekked across the state last January for this quiz-a-thon didn’t want entertainment. They just wanted trivia,…
Will the real Alex Emerson please stand up? This column is intended for one person and one person only: Alex Emerson. That’s right, I’m talking to you, Alex Emerson, 21-year-old male living in Denver, Colorado, who graduated from Conifer High School in 2004. Yes, you, Alex Emerson, who “loves to…
Do you have what it takes to win a quiz night? Denver’s three leading trivia companies have very different styles, as exemplified by both the questions they ask and the team names their players choose. Try these on for size: Trivia Face Off Favorite Team Names: Alpha Kenny Body (read…
Q. What is Mike Jones doing at the Irish Rover on a Monday? A. Not soliciting gay sex. Sort of. Mike Jones and the Jäger girls are getting along famously. The two scantily clad swag-peddlers get up periodically to make the rounds at the Irish Rover, with red, flashing medallions…
When I visit my parents, I usually take one of the dogs for a walk. Dorothy and Sylvia are the two creatures that make me most happy in this world, and a walk is the very least I can do to show my gratitude. And it is on these walks…
Travel, like war, has a way of unveiling the truth about a man. For it is only when we choose to exist outside of our comfort zone, when we uproot ourselves from all that we know and place ourselves in situations that are completely foreign to our experience, that we…
