If religion is the opiate of the masses, as Karl Marx once observed, then sports are, like, the meth of the masses… or something. Whatever. The point is that mainstream sports — or “borts,” as we like to call them (“boring” + “sports”) — like football and baseball are for…
It doesn’t really matter what your opinion is; there will always be somebody out there to angrily disagree with it — especially when that opinion comes in list form. Maybe it’s because a list is a compound opinion, or maybe it’s because the concept of the list implicitly excludes everything…
For most men, the depressing realization that they are no longer cool comes somewhere around the late ’30s — and while many just give up, there must always be those few brave men of oblivious overconfidence who ignore that fact, who stare boldly into the face of cruel father time…
In the pantheon of greatness, there are many assholes. John Lennon. Ludwig von Beethoven. Eddie Van Halen. All of these people make/made undeniably great music; all of these people are/were demonstrably pompous, entitled, demanding asshats who would be unbearable to know. Like anyone else, I like to believe that the…
Despite their nearly two decades of golden success, Trey Parker and Matt Stone have always put on for Colorado — magnum opus South Park, for example, is basically a fifteen-year-long-and-counting tribute to the home state — and given that track record, we weren’t surprised at all when they announced that…
Consensus can be a tough thing to find among the disparate factions of the cycling community in Denver — Critical Mass, the Cherry Creek bike trail and the use of gears are some common areas of contention — but it appears there is at least one thing we all can…
For a couple of years running, there has been, bar none, no cooler holiday light display in town than Lonnie Hanzon’s Hudson Holiday extravaganza — and certainly none even close to capturing the mod psychedelia of Hanzon’s efforts — so when we got word that the show can’t go on…
If you’re anything like me, there comes a point during the summer where you pretty much stop giving a shit what you look like. It’s too hot to wear anything but those jean shorts you cut off around May that are now so thin that people can see your actual…
We all know that radical Islamic Muslim extremist terrorists hate freedom — but do your children know? For any child born after 9/11, there’s the danger not only that they might forget, but that they might not even know how to hate and fear other cultures, and for that problem,…
Perhaps because of our dependence on sight to warn us of oncoming danger, humans have an elemental fear of the obscured; you may have overcome your anxieties about what lives underwater and of the dark separately, but if you think you’re over it, I invite you to take a nice…
Some people. One minute, you’re on the Cherry Creek Path enjoying a leisurely commute on your bicycle, the next you’re inches away from getting mowed down by some prick in Spandex without even the common decency to announce his presence. It happens to Bree Davies almost every day, and clearly…
According to Bill Emmons’ gaming card, he was exactly the 141st person ever hired to work at a casino in Colorado. That was more than 20 years ago, and he’s been playing poker ever since — but he’s never played poker like he’s playing right now. And before he’s through,…
The premise of Terrence McNally’s Love! Valour! Compassion! is pretty simple: A group of eight gay men spend the three major weekends of a summer — Memorial Day, the Fourth of July and Labor Day — together at a lake house, enduring traumas and creating dramas. But for Chris Silberman,…
A lot of subjects fall under the umbrella of “life and death” — pretty much everything, if you think about it — and the Life and Death Matters Multimedia Festival is definitely broad in scope. “I have a background working in hospice care and working in film,” explains festival co-director…
Since way back in the days of the Chicano movement on the West Coast in the ’80s, Guillermo Gomez Pena and Richard Montoya have been getting in people’s faces with their individual brands of confrontational performance art. Tonight, the two are coming together, and that doesn’t happen every day. “They…
It was hardly six hours ago that I bitched about “the tragedy-sploitation vortex of product placement and media pandering” the tenth anniversary of 9/11 will inevitably engender, in my commentary on “Cartoonists Remember September 11,” the joint effort of a group of the Sunday paper’s worst comics to commemorate the…
Surfing these wide interwebz day to day, we stumble across many things — some disgusting, some hilarious, some infuriating and many baffling — and at those times, there is really only one appropriate reaction: What the fuck is this shit? And so once again, mostly because it’s Wednesday, the day…
For as long as I can remember, the Sunday comics have been about 80 percent crap. The culprit, mostly, is the glut of syndicate staples drawn by now-octogenarians or passed down to sons that, week after week, churn out the same hackneyed shitheap of lame character gags and dumb life…
One of these things is not like the others: The Air Force Academy, Fort Carson, Focus on the Family, a sick zombie party. As Stephanie DeCamp observed in her write-up of Zombie Fest yesterday, Colorado Springs, our frothing neighbor to the south, is not exactly the most likely place punk-rock…
Denver is home to some awesome roller derby teams. In fact, we’ve got one of the best roller derby teams in the world right here: The Rocky Mountain Rollergirls, 2010 national champions of the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association, roller derby’s international governing body. The team is skating toward defending…
Nobody files more frivolous lawsuits than Lindsay Lohan. Her legal grounds are fucking weaker than Kreayshawn. That was a battle rap I just made up about Kreayshawn and Lindsay Lohan (conveniently, their names sort of rhyme) acting like a couple of shameful little pussies — but although my skillz are…
It’s not that I wasn’t interested in the USA Pro Cycling Challenge’s last stage from Golden to the State Capitol in Denver yesterday — no, of course I was, it was a big deal — it’s just that my interest was mild enough not to overwhelm my simultaneous desire not…
