Pop quiz, hotshot. You’ve got the wealth of Bill (or at least Antonio) Gates, but you live in a neighborhood that doesn’t wall-out or otherwise secure your house from casual trick-or-treating. You love Halloween, and you want your house to be legendary. You don’t want to go crazy here–no Oprah-style…
At first, handing out lame treats on Halloween seems like a victimless crime. Kids are already getting bags of candy as it is, so what’s the harm with one fewer awesome treat. Part of the harm is that they’re not the victim, really–you are. You, your house, your cars, your…
There are lots of reasons we may want to patronize some television restaurants. Maybe drive-in to Arnold’s (Happy Days) for a burger and a shake; have some brunch and a peek at the afterlife at Der Waffle Haus (Dead Like Me); or enjoy a tuna on toast (with a side…
There are places to meet friends for drinks … and then there are bars, my friends. Places where the drink is the thing, and the goal is drunk. That in mind, there are some TV bars where you just wouldn’t want to be, like Rosie’s from M.A.S.H. (bad booze near…
Attention Cereal Eaters: The following ten cereal mascots are wanted by the authorities for a variety of criminal activities. They are fugitives from justice and currently at-large. United States law enforcement agencies encourage the community to assist in the fight against crime by overcoming the three key elements that inhibit…
Fitness and diet schemes have been around as long as there’s been advertising. It’s the sale of empty hope — machinery with limited usage, devices with inflated claims, herbal supplements that skirt FDA regulations. But we know all that, and still we watch. And some of us still buy. Of…
The pop-culture landscape is littered with the bleached bones of advertising mascots long passed: For every Kool-Aid Man that survives to break down new walls with his rotund fruit-drink excitement, there’s a Hawaiian Punch dude who’s drunk in the corner and a Spuds McKenzie buried out back. Some make it,…
I blame pineapple. That’s really where it started to go wrong. Once you decide that fruit is a reasonable pizza topping (and no, Mr. Fun-Facts, tomatoes don’t count), it’s a short trip to a slice of tuna salad, brownie and lemongrass. So yes, America has adopted the pizza, and that…
TV theme songs have gotten a little more hip in recent years — from Cake lending “Short Skirt, Long Jacket” to Chuck to Lazlo Bane doing “I’m no Superman” for Scrubs, to any of the seasonal iterations of Tom Waits’ “Way Down in the Hole” on The Wire. But there…
Ah, the burger. Labor Day grilling tradition, force of good and ease in the American diet. We take you for granted, burger. We assume that because you are a national culinary treasure that you are also unassailable, that you can be toyed with–unmercifully at times–and that you’ll still come out…
Every kid knew it: lunchboxes meant something. And it wasn’t just that you were a fan of whatever it was that you sported on your lunchtime luggage. It was your proclamation of identity. A window into your third-grade, paste-eating soul. So the question was this: with what are you aligning…
Somewhere between breakfast and a cup of coffee lays this middle ground of stupid — food that isn’t really food, but still seems appropriate to consume for the (allegedly) most important meal of the day. Jon Stewart and The Daily Show exposed the ridiculousness of the pancake-wrapped sausage years ago,…
Call it a good idea, call it a bad idea, call it the nadir of American couch potato society. But there’s no doubt that the Snuggie is pretty damn popular. It’s everywhere — including the Snuggie Pub Crawl in downtown Denver this Saturday. Which prompts the question: Will the Snuggie…
Despite the obvious enthusiasm for its legalization — see today’s rallies in Denver, Boulder, Santa Cruz and other hemp-friendly havens — marijuana is still technically illegal. So it behooves us to consider that it might sometimes be advisable to, you know, hide it. Many have tried. And many have failed…
Some fast-food ad campaigns work because they’re funny — like the Taco Bell Chihuahua ads from the early ’90s, or the more current examples from Jack-in-the-Box, which invite us to send our respects to the fallen Jack (he was hit by a bus on Super Bowl Sunday). Other ads work…
