Fish Out of Water

I’m a sucker for fish, which I like watching (tank), catching (fly) and eating (raw). But I don’t eat what I catch, nor do I enjoy seeing fish that I’ll soon be served being taken out of a tank. As with beef — I don’t adopt the cows I’ll later…

Marquis Theater

The Photo Atlas is already into its second or third song by the time I get to the Marquis Theater (2009 Larimer Street). Adam Lancaster, who runs Morning After Records, the band’s label, meets me out front. We head straight for the bar and order two of the club’s signature…

Savoir-Faire

Ooh la la! When I first moved back to Denver from New York, I spent a lot of time at Bistro Adde Brewster’s, the Cherry Creek hot spot run by Adde Bjorkland and Duey Kratzer, now the proprietor of Mondo Vino. I had too many exceedingly wild nights there and…

Arabian Bar

We almost take the scooter from my place to Highland. But then Sean has last-minute reservations about riding without a helmet, and regardless of how engaged-to-a-beautiful-girl he is and how comfortable and happy I am with my hetero relationship, there’s still a certain amount of awkwardness when two dudes share…

Peach Mojito

As I walked toward Sengers on the Fax, a homeless person who’d strategically placed himself near the entrance asked if I could “help out.” After living in New York for years and finally figuring out that “help out” means “give me money for drugs and booze,” I came up with…

Charlie Brown’s Bar & Grill

I’m pretty well sauced on Guinness by the time Sean and I get to Charlie Brown’s Bar & Grill (980 Grant Street). The eighty-odd-year-old bar tucked into the Colburn Hotel & Apartments — a famed ’40s hangout of Beat hipsters Neal Cassady, Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg — is packed,…

Welcome Inn

With the exception of especially festive nights, when I do shots, or sushi outings, when sake is just what’s happening, I pretty much drink beer. There are a number of reasons for this, a major one being that I’m lousy at pacing myself. What I mean is, if there’s an…

Especial Margarita

I hate working out, and I hate people who say how much they love working out. To me, working out is a necessary evil — like taxes, dating and menstrual cycles. So when I heard there was a gym called the Anti-Gym, I got excited: I thought working out there…

Forest Room 5

It’s almost 9 p.m. when I hear Jesse call my battle name, Drewstroyer, from across the room. Immediately feeling sick to my stomach with first-time anxiety, I set down my second can of Olympia and wade through the crowd of fifty or so competitors and spectators. As I take a…

Frozen Strawberry Margarita

While many people remember their first kiss, I remember the first bar where I ever ordered a beer. Back when I was far too young to drink — legally — my high school gang would spend hours on the Emerald Isle patio overlooking the Cherry Creek Reservoir, our bodies slathered…

Music Bar

“Is this the shithole?” our cabbie — whose name I won’t use because I’m pretty sure he’s driving without the proper licensing — asks as we pull into the parking lot of Music Bar (4586 Tennyson Street). We’re packed four deep in the back seat (with another one in front),…

October Surprise

Every time I walk into Sputnik, I’m reminded of one of my favorite jokes. “Hey, have you heard that joke about hipsters?” “No, what is it?” “Well, of course, you haven’t heard it!” It’s beyond cliche to say that Sputnik is ground zero for hipsters. I’m surprised that instead of…

Horseshoe Lounge

“Black eyes don’t count,” Mike tells me from three stools over — by which he means, “Black eyes aren’t a big deal.” But from where I’m sitting, the golf-ball-sized swelling surrounding his bloodshot eyes and extending well onto his cheekbones sure looks like a big deal. Combined with his lacerated…

Oceanaire Martini

I would have liked living in the 1930s. Big bands headed by Duke Ellington, Cab Calloway, Benny Goodman, Glenn Miller, Tommy Dorsey and Count Basie were in their heyday, playing at famous clubs like the Savoy and the Cotton Club. And it was the golden age of luxurious ocean liners:…

Barricuda’s

I have every intention of drinking on my first trip to Barricuda’s (1078 Ogden Street), but it doesn’t happen. I glance longingly at the beer taps — Swithwicks? No. Guinness? Huh-uh — but can’t talk myself into a cold one. I make eyes at a Bloody Mary two tables over…

B.J.’s Port

Ms. B.J. mumbles an apology to no one in particular because the beer’s not chilled enough, but Sean and I don’t mind. It’s already started to cool off outside, and we’re at B.J.’s Port, 2801 Welton Street, to enjoy ourselves, not complain. So we pour the contents of our first…

Tequila Pocket Shot

Take your best shot. A couple of Saturdays ago, a friend and I headed to the Kiowa Creek Sporting Club in Bennett, site of the Independence Institute’s ATF party, which celebrates alcohol, tobacco and firearms. But not necessarily in that order: Even though I wasn’t driving, I’d been given strict…

Ace-Hi Tavern

It’s never been about slumming. Or kitsch. Or camp. No, Barbara Middlebrook drinks at the Ace-Hi Tavern — a dive bar right down to its shag carpet and cash-only policy — for the same reason that she looks forward to walks down Main Street during breaks from her job at…

Colorado Bulldog

Fear of flying. There are a few places in town I’ve always wanted to try, but they don’t seem like the kind of spot a woman should visit alone. And so every time I drove past the Piper Inn, I felt like I’d had my wings clipped. I’d been driving…

The Irish Hound

Everybody has a really good first bar story. Often it’s a tale about a group celebrating somebody’s 21st birthday by seeing just how close people can get to death and still be fine the next morning. Sometimes it’s a saga about using a bad fake ID to sneak into the…

Grapefruit Margarita

Wasted youth. When I first walked into Centro, the reconcepting of Cafe Rhumba by Dave Query (who also owns Lola, Jax, West End Tavern and Zolo), I immediately knew that I would like it. Even though the food at Rhumba was far from stellar, I always enjoyed the place: Query…

The Blue Walleye

If you ask a real fisherman, he’ll tell you that walleye is one of the best eating fish. It’s not a particularly pretty fish, but it’s the reason that God made beer, beer batter and Shore Lunch. I’ve never been deep-sea fishing, but fighting a fish while you’re strapped into…