Ask a Stoner: What's the Best Way to Pass a Urine Test?

Before looking up various detox techniques, buy a few at-home drug tests to make sure you’re clean before taking the real deal.

By Herbert Fuego

July 5, 2018

American Chemical Society via YouTube

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Dear Stoner: Just got a new job offer but there’s no way I’ll pass a piss test right now. What’s the best way to clean up my body?
Kevin

Dear Kevin: Before looking up various detox products and techniques, you should buy a few at-home drug tests to make sure you’re clean before taking the real deal. Your metabolism, body fat and cannabis consumption frequency all play integral parts in how quickly your body will cleanse itself, so it’s impossible to put an exact date on when you’re going to pass. Test, then test again as you try to detox yourself using herbal supplements like dandelion and burdock roots along with exercise, heavy hydration and detox pills to burn away that fat and wash out the THC.

Stay away from products claiming to mask your urine hours before the test. A lot of them are snake oil, and those that do work require precise user execution. Buy synthetic urine online at your own risk if you have no time. And be sure to ingest vitamin B the day of your test so that your urine doesn’t look too diluted. Good luck.

Send questions to [email protected].

Herbert Fuego is the resident stoner at Westword, ready to answer all your marijuana questions.

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