Freaky Friday: "Christian Side Hug"

There's nothing wrong with white people doing hip-hop -- if it was ever in question, I think Eminem proved that. And there's certainly nothing wrong with rappers loving Jesus. I mean, how many hip-hop albums don't thank the Christ, his dad, or both in the liner notes? So it logically follows that this video doesn't have to be the worst thing ever invented ... yet it is. This is "Christian Side Hug" and it is horrific. It's four and a half minutes of the "Imperial March" theme played on a Casio keyboard while gunshot sounds and sirens ring out and the worst rappers you have ever had the misfortune to hear spew rap cliches and lecture on the danger of full-frontal hugging.

Let that soak in, because I am not even kidding.

These are "rough riders full up with Christ love" -- a direct quote! They want you to "Gimme that Christian side hug," because to hug someone from the front is a danger to your purity. This is insanity, pure and simple. So naturally, I love it. Although I am pretty certain it is the best argument ever made for either atheism, or for the fact that god is actually a hilarious practical joker -- no sincere, loving god could allow this to exist or want his followers to act this way. See for yourself after the jump.

KEEP WESTWORD FREE... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Cory Casciato is a Denver-based writer with a passion for the geeky, from old science fiction movies to brand-new video games.
Contact: Cory Casciato