PLAYLISTIN BRIEF

Various Artists
Woodstock ’94
(A&M)

Didn’t I read about this on a Pepsi twelve-pack?–Michael Roberts

Sade
The Best of Sade
(Epic)

The lukewarm smooch tracks from this babe probably couldn’t even get a rise from the inmates at Denver County Jail.–John Jesitus

Collective Soul
Hints, Allegations and Things Left Unsaid
(Atlantic)

In which we are left to ponder the eternal question: Is the world really ready for the second coming of the Doobie Brothers?–Brad Jones

Sting
Fields of Gold, The Best of Sting 1984-1994
(A&M Records)

Also known as A Collection of Songs That Sucked the First Time Around but Got Played to Death Anyhow.–Susan Dunlap

Cinderella
Still Climbing
(Mercury)

Wrong again.–Roberts

Celine Dion
Dion Chante Palamondom
(Sony)

If her Disney hits don’t convince you that it’s all over when the skinny lady sings, try her disco.–John Young

David Sanborn
The Best of David Sanborn
(Warner Bros.)

It’s a bad sign when almost half of your “best of” album is terrible.–Linda Gruno

Frankfurt Rock Orchestra
Classic Toto Hits
(MMS)

Whoever named this thing has a great sense of humor.–Roberts

Love and Rockets
Hot Trip to Heaven
(American)

Insomniacs rejoice: This adventure in ambience will lull you to sleep.–Justin McLean

Frank Sinatra
Duets II
(Capitol)

Just imagine how proud Jimmy Buffett will be when he tells his grandchildren, “I was on the worst album Frank Sinatra ever made.”–Roberts

The Cranberries
No Need to Argue
(Island)

Get “Zombie” stuck in your head, in your head, and you’ll feel like one.–Dunlap

Kenny Rogers
Timepiece
(Atlantic)

Let’s hope he sells a lot of chicken, because this is nothing to crow about.–Jesitus

Bon Jovi
Crossroad
(Mercury)

Jon’s music is lousy, but you’ve got to admit–his hair’s as nice as a Breck girl’s.–Roberts

Slayer
Divine Intervention
(American)

Leave it to these guys to spoil Christmas.–Jones

Various Artists
Soundtrack: Melrose Place
(Giant Records)

An album every bit as hokey as the stuff on the jukebox at Shooters.–McLean

Barney
Barney’s Favorites, Volume 2
(EMI)

Horror has a new name.–Roberts

The London Suede
Dog Man Star
(Nude/Columbia)

My worst fear is dying on my way to the Salvation Army store and having someone find this in my backpack before I can give it away.–Dunlap

Reba McEntire
Read My Mind
(MCA)

Judging by this disc, that shouldn’t take long.–Roberts

Rob Rule
Rob Rule
(Mercury)

In which we are left to ponder the eternal question: Is the world really ready for the third coming of the Doobie Brothers? –Jones

The Eagles
Hell Freezes Over
(Geffen)

No. No! Noooooooooooo!–Roberts