Rihanna's "Rude Boy" video: lions and neon and sneers, oh my!

Rihanna's "Rude Boy" is the number one song in the country. Its accompanying video, meanwhile, is a hot mess, and we have officially never used that expression more accurately.

Because we probably like Rihanna more than we should, given that she can't actually sing, and because there's a blinding amount of shit happening here, we feel it's important to break down some of the video's key frames.

Rihanna, in guitar-pick miniskirt and garters, mashes away on a cymbal. This moment is synced against snare drum in the song, for the record.
Post-abuse Rihanna is a badass mofo. As evidenced by this sneer, which we will henceforth tally. So: the Sneer Count stands at one.
Sometimes, your monthly self-exam coincides with your video shoot, and neither is negotiable.
We hear this is a mating ritual in Barbados. OK, that is probably insensitive. The lion thing is certainly a motif in this video, which we assume is meant to indicate ferocity.
"Come on rude boy boy can you get it up?" So subtle, this song.
Sneer Count: 2.5 Disembodied lips count for 150%.
Sneer Count: 8.5 (6 for this frame alone). Also, now is a good time to mention the fact that Rihanna is blatantly jacking M.I.A.'s style. In case that was unclear to anyone.
Maybe it's just us, but... is she mirroring the pose of the geometric lion in this frame?
Forget the hat for a second. It took us a couple viewings but those are most certainly technicolor digital watches in the background.
And now she's jacking Santigold.
Sneer count: 9. A fitting end.
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Kiernan Maletsky is Westword's music editor. His writing has appeared in alt-weeklies around the country as well as Miley Cyrus's mom's Twitter feed.
Contact: Kiernan Maletsky