Boebert (and Santos) Beat: Two Peas in a Trump After-Party Pod

Lauren Boebert made the national news again this week, and not in the way she (or her scant remaining supporters) would prefer. According to the December 10 Page Six in the New York Post, she and just-booted Congressman George Santos were like "two peas in a pod" at a late-night party at a popular eatery on New York City's Upper East Side. Also unwisely in attendance was Florida Representative Byron Donalds, and the three were shameless enough to pose for a super-smiley photo.

The trio attended the after-party following a $700-a-plate Trump event at Cipriani's sponsored by the New York Young Republican Club that ended up being a who's who of unrepentant deplorables. According to the Post, in addition to Santos, Donalds and Boebert, Matt "My Hair Is Meant to Distract From All the Sex Trafficking" Gaetz was there, as a presenter. Steve Bannon had a whole table to himself. Disgraced former NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani dined with his old pal Bernie Kerik (after probably first mistakenly heading to Cipriani's Remodeling Solutions out in Jersey). 

Trump bloviated at length at the event, promising to "take New York," which he probably meant in terms of the 2024 election — but with this guy, who knows for sure? He bragged about his 91 felony counts as though they were badges of honor — scars left by political pot shots — while at the same time warning that somehow President Joe Biden, who has no direct relation to Trump's indictments, had "opened a Pandora's box that will never let our country be the same." That's all sorts of incorrect, but nice in the sense that Trump's people finally managed to teach him the difference between Pandora and genies, and which has a box and which has a bottle. The ethical tenor of the evening was perhaps summed up by master of ceremonies and odious far-right YouTuber Alex Stein, who joked that he hoped Donald Trump was sent to jail because it would help with "the Black vote."

And so, of course, Colorado CD3 Congresswoman Boebert was on hand in a glittery dress and a polished smile, and of course she went out partying afterward. It's frankly a wonder that she and a dozen of her young Republican pals didn't each chip in twenty bucks to rent a white limo and drink cheap champagne from plastic glasses while standing up in the open sunroof and woooooo-ing all around the Big Apple.

Santos apparently had the ready cash to make such monetary gestures, as he reportedly bought pizza for the entire restaurant at the wee-hours bash, though he later claimed to have only bought two pies for Boebert and Donalds, and shared the leftovers. But then this was George Santos, who'd just been expelled from Congress after an avalanche of revealed lies, misrepresentations and the rampant misuse of public funds, so who knows the truth? According to Santos, he's making more money on Cameo custom video appearances — reportedly over $80K in a single day — than he ever made in politics. The fact that he sees government service as a revenue generator is all you need to know about his devotion to serving the public good.

And that's the root of the problem with Republican politics today: A bumper crop of elected officials are concerned primarily with power and the Washington money that follows it. During the Trump administration, that policy came from the top down; now, during the more stable and ethical Biden era, there remains a strong contingent of legislators (and even Supreme Court justices) still pushing that same agenda. Boebert, with her own misuse of campaign finance and kowtowing to the oil and gas industry that paid former husband Jayson $1 million in "consulting fees," fits right into this scheme to fleece the American public through its own government.

Such goal-oriented malfeasance feeds on cronyism, which is why Boebert has continued to support Santos, first in opposing his rightful and long overdue expulsion from the House, and now gal-palling about town with him.

Which got us wondering what in the world these two might have been talking about as they split a pie with extra cheese and absolutely no shame. Here are just some of the snippets of conversation we imagine:

Santos: Hey, thanks for not voting for my expulsion.

Boebert: Sure thing. It's been good having someone even more outrageously incompetent than me to share some of the heat. Besides, it's not like you've been convicted of a crime, which is the argument I've been told to make.

Santos: Not yet. Fingers crossed! And anyway, you should have seen the full-court press on me to resign like every other congressperson that's been found guilty of ethics violations, which is probably the reason it's only happened five times before. Suckers. I'm not going anywhere until they make me.

Boebert: What does full-court press mean?

Santos: It's a basketball term. I know because I was a power forward for Baruch College.

**
Santos: You would not believe how much cash I'm making from Cameo. It's insane. It's like I told everyone who'd still listen to me: I'm making more in one day on internet fame than I did in a year in the U.S. Congress.

Boebert: Interesting. So how do you know when's the right time to move from prostitutional governance to internet whoring?

Santos: It won't be whoring, really, until I start my OnlyFans. Eventually, I hope to move into YouPorn. Fuck Congress. Now that I'm an internet star, I'll have more time to work out. Everyone will be buying tickets to the gun show.

Boebert: Hey, awesome, I love gun shows. Maybe I'll go with you.

Santos: I don't think we're talking about the same thing.

**
Boebert: How do you get away with all the bullshit on your résumé?

Santos: Girl, you gotta embrace the Costanza Principle. It's not lying if you believe it. Or pretend to enough.

Boebert: I never thought I'd be accused of not being shameless enough.

Santos: That reminds me — do you want to go see a play next time I'm in Denver?

**
Boebert: We should totally go get Botox together.

Santos: Why not? I have some campaign funds left over.

Boebert: No, it's my treat. I'll just call it mileage to visit constituents. I'll pretend I drove to Pueblo three times or something.

Santos: Niiiiiiiiiiice.

Boebert: So tell me more about how you can make money on this Cameo thing. I'll probably need it by the end of next year.