ColoradOwned: Ten Things in Colorado That You Shouldn't Let Own You

Earlier this year, we posted about the Urban Dictionary term Coloradon't, defined as "Douchey things you shouldn't do in Colorado" — and came up with our own Coloradon't list.

But Coloradon't is hardly the site's only creative twist on our great state's name.

There's also ColoradOwned, which means "to be owned within Colorado's borders."

Of course, there's no shortage of stuff we love to be ColoradOwned by, including the natural beauty we enjoy in such abundance.

But there are also plenty of things we don't think should ColoradOwn anyone.

Here are ten examples.

Number 10: Don't be ColoradOwned by...Anti-Skiing Snowboarders

There's a certain type of snowboarder who feels anyone who still uses skis is stupid or lame or old-fashioned or a combination of all three. But you shouldn't have to apologize for preferring two planks to one.

Number 9: Don't be ColoradOwned by... Craft Beer Snobs

Sometimes you want the trendiest, most obscure microbrew imaginable. And sometimes you want a Coors. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty when you opt for the latter.

Number 8: Don't be ColoradOwned by... Beard fetishists

Not everyone can grow the perfect hipster beard — and those of us not blessed with the right pores shouldn't be obligated to try even if our more follicely gifted acquaintances imply that there's something wrong with us if we don't.

Number 7: Don't be ColoradOwned by...Rockies boycotters

Lots of Rockies fans will argue that the only way to make the owners put a better team on the diamond is to stop attending games. But do you really want to swear off the wonders of Coors Field to make that point? Of course not. So go ahead and belly up to the bar on the party deck. You deserve it.

Number 6: Don't be ColoradOwned by...Pot extremists

We're not only talking about the kind of people who continue to argue that marijuana legalization will cause Colorado's entire social fabric to unravel despite growing evidence that this isn't the case. Pro-cannabis boosters who act as if you're a traitor to the cause if you have the occasional glass of wine instead of a joint are capable of ColoradOwning, too.

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts

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