But as much as we appreciate the approval, with all due respect, we think that the New York Times missed a few points in our elevated favor. Here are the top ten reasons it didn’t consider...but should have.
If the Rockies can hit the horsehide farther with less relative effort, then it stands to reason that the same would hold true for packages. They’d shoot out of the distribution centers like the cork out of the champagne Amazon stockholders will consume when they see the increase in speed reflected in their quarterly earnings.
Or the New World Order, or the Reptoids, or whatever weird doomsday cult people think are using the fabled secret tunnels underneath the airport. Sure, it might all be complete crap, but…what if it’s not? We have to think that a giant company like Amazon has some ties to the Illuminati.
With a strong sports-fan base already in place, Amazon can move right in and jump on the bandwagon — and by that we mean pay for skyboxes and advertising all over the place. And what better spot to put the Amazon smiley-arrow than right there where it says "Sports Authority?" Other naming rights we’d consider: Casa Amazon Bonita. Hell, we’ll even turn the Big Blue Bear into a giant blue Danbo, if you want.
7. Tom Shane
Jeff Bezos, you, too, can have a friend in the diamond business.
That whole buying-the-Washington-Post thing went pretty well back in 2013. Maybe Bezos can add to his Post empire by purchasing Denver’s own. After all, just like groceries, newspapers are real things that can be held, and Amazon seems intent on embracing the physical, moving in more tactile directions. Bezos can be another print-media hero, Amazon can add to its clout as an overall media giant, and Denver can still have a hometown daily that’s larger than a school newspaper. Win-win-win-sad-win!