"It feels really, really good to be back in America," Colie says at the beginning of the end -- the very last episode. Thailand is glad you're back in America, too, Colie.
The roommates head over to the Jet Hotel. "Everybody in the world wishes to be us right now," Stephen tells Jenn. Bullshit! I would pay good money not to be one of them. Thank God I don't have to.
"Since Thailand, Stephen and I have become really good friends," Jenn explains, "hung out a lot and realized we liked each other's company."
"She's got that rock star image, but when it comes down to it, she's really a very down to earth, very sensible person, but you have to dig deep to figure that out," Stephen weighs in. Guess he didn't appreciate her "down-to-earthiness" when she was calling him out for cheating on his woman.
"You're awesome. You're a sweet girl," Stephen tells Jenn.
They go to the Church. At least there's a better-than-average chance of there being decent music there, as opposed to the other places they've been going. There's nothing I hate more than substandard electronic dance music.
Davis and this guy Josh start hanging out. "As the night's going on, I'm starting to notice them getting more and more friendly," Alex observes.
"It's nice to make a friend, that's all I want," Davis insists. Uh-huh -- that's what they all say.
Josh comes back to the house. "Is that guy gay?" Stephen stage-whispers.
"I think so," Alex replies.
"Davis is going to have sex with that man," Stephen says, slightly horrified.
Davis confesses that he's starting to get a little bit lonely, but he tells Colie that Josh is straight. She believes him until he leaves the room, Josh confesses his gayness and tells Colie that he's hooked up with Davis before (but only making out). Then Josh and Davis roll around in a blanket for a while.
Stephen is disappointed. "Davis is fucking another man. That's fucked up," he weighs in.
In fact, everyone is disappointed. "Davis has come this far without having cheated on PJ and now all of a sudden he's doing this right before we leave to go home," Brooke observes. Jenn and Colie climb into Stephen's bed and they watch the boys have sex -- Josh and Davis are so extremely drunk, they don't think there's anybody else in the room.
Jenn comes downstairs: "That was amazing. That was amazing."
Colie weighs in: "I just saw something that I've never fucking seen in my life. What's happening is people are having sex. People are having gay sex."
"They’ve hooked up before," Colie tells Jenn. "It's not just a random guy. They know each other and they want each other."
"Another incident of Davis getting drunk and acting stupid," Jenn replies – because Jenn wouldn't know anything about that kind of behavior, would she?
Davis lets Josh out and calls PJ immediately. Stephen walks in and tries to get Davis off the phone; Davis hangs up because the person on the other line is speaking Spanish and he does not compute (PJ, you may remember, is in Argentina).
Davis tells Stephen that he didn't have sex with Josh. Stephen tells Davis that Colie and Jenn were in Stephen's bed watching everything. "They saw less than everything because I didn't have sex with him. We kissed, he came into my bed, he said he wanted to have sex with me, I said I had a boyfriend, blah blah blah," Davis says. "I didn't have sex with that guy."
"You've got to give Davis the tools he needs and let him decide what he wants to do," Stephen reflects. What?
Jenn thinks it's stupid that Davis is playing the denial card -- I have to agree; she saw him reach for, open and put on a condom. Twice.
Stephen jumps onto the bed and Jenn hugs him. They've developed a really flirtatious, fun relationship with each other, Jenn explains. All of a sudden they're making out in Jenn's bed -- it looks like that, anyway.
"When you're in a relationship, it's really not appropriate to sleep in the same bed as somebody else," says Brooke. Ya think?
Then MTV provides us with some captions, as Jenn and Stephen have lowered their voices:
Jenn: I have a boyfriend.
Stephen: I know.
Stephen is really confused with what's going on, because the two of them have been close, but they don't have a clear delineation of what friendship/more than friendship means. Also, she fucked his boy. But he's probably trying to forget that.
Instead, he's having a heart-to-heart with Jenn: "I was involved in a shitty ass business and I was a master of screwing people out of their money," Stephen says. My watching partner is unsurprised, as am I, but Jenn would never have guessed that was his past. He went back to church and got everything back that he lost, but in a different perspective. Or so he says.
"I'm kind of saddened that I have two days left to hang out with him, and I just discovered I really like the guy," Jenn laments.
Downstairs, Brooke is giving Stephen the third degree. "I didn't fuck her, are you kidding me? That's like my little sister, are you kidding me?" Stephen defends himself.
Davis talks to PJ. Here I get sort of lost with what happened, but this is what I managed to catch: PJ was on MySpace, looking on Brooke’s page and some guy wrote something that made PJ uncomfortable -- something about fulfilling her needs. Davis and PJ decide to talk about it later, say goodbye, and that seems to be that.
If only Davis weren't so overwhelmed with guilt. "You're beside yourself with disgust and regret and you walk around in the next day and you're just so depressed and hating yourself, and that's, like, that's how I feel," Davis says. Hmmm. So, is he admitting now that he was unfaithful? I'm so confused.
Davis gets on the computer and writes PJ an e-mail. "It's not that I’m not loyal to people," he explains, it's the alcohol and the lowered inhibitions and everything else. Riiiiiiiight. "PJ and I are over," he says. "I've been e-mailing him constantly but he just said he couldn't do it anymore."
"I feel alone in this world," Davis tells Jenn later -- he's been drinking too much. Again. "I have nobody," Davis cries. "I am just alone, so alone in this world." He also says something about his mother not wanting to come visit him because she wants to, but because she knows he's been saying nasty things about her and she wants America to know she's a good mother. What a twisted-ass bitch, if it's true. And what a twisted-ass bitch if it's not -- how the hell did she raise Davis to tell those kinds of lies? If it is a lie.
Stephen tells Davis to walk it off. "You're a grown-ass man, Davis," Stephen says. Davis tells Stephen he doesn't want to be gay anymore, he wants to be straight. "You're gay as hell," Stephen replies. Stephen thinks Davis would rather live a life that society expects instead of be who he is.
And who could have given Davis such awful ideas, hmm, Stephen? People like you -- or, people like you were before you decided that being gay was okay.
Davis is afraid he's choosing to be in hell. "Why am I not straight?" he asks Steve. "I've prayed it so much. There's demons in me and I want it out of me."
I can't believe how much Stephen has changed. He's actually telling Davis it's okay to be gay. WTF?
Later, Davis has calmed down a little bit. "I would love the opportunity to be straight," he admits. "Life would be so much easier, but I appreciate that I'm gay because it makes me who I am." He's trying to get PJ back.
"If I hadn't been drinking it just would never have happened," Davis says, "and it's made me take a look at the fact that I've been drinking and not much good is coming out of it. I'm gonna cut back a lot."
"Cut back," eh? Spoken like a true alcoholic.
Jenn and Stephen are flirting in the car after a night of serious imbibing. "Stephen wants to fuck me," Jenn informs anyone who will listen.
"You think you would fuck me?" Stephen replies. "You would get your ass fucked up." If they didn't have significant others ...
Jenn falls asleep in his bed. Then in the middle of the night, Stephen starts whispering some really weird shit. "Wait. Come on. Come on. Wait. Okay."
Jenn calls Jared in the wee hours of hte morning, and guess who's gotten up to go to church? "There's a lot on my mind. If Mercii was watching me right now, would she be pleased with what's going on, and I would say absolutely not," Stephen admits.
He needs to pray over it. Of course he does.
"Me being this close to Jenn right now and me having a girlfriend at home, this is obviously way too close," Stephen acknowledges. "Mercii's way too much a good person for me and I don't want to lose it over some dumb stuff."
Meanwhile, Davis is trying to explain what happened to PJ. "That night I was just, like, drunk, so I kissed him, and, I don't know."
"I don't think I can ever trust you again," PJ says, but is willing to give him another chance. "I need you to not drink. Every night you go out I will be afraid."
Stephen gets on the phone to Mercii. "I'm just confused and I don't have a very high self-opinion with my deeds."
"When I get home I will tell her about Jenn. I have to tell her if I want to keep an honest relationship," Stephen says. They love each other. Goodbye.
Jenn and Stephen are having trouble letting go; on one hand, Jenn wishes they had more time to get to know each other. On the other hand, Stephen is glad they didn't -- the late start to their relationship means that they still both have significant others back home.
On their last night, Colie wants to share something she wrote. It's an awful, awful poem. Gag me.
They have their final dinner at the Hyatt and take inventory. Colie had the most sex in the house. Brooke gives out awards to all the roommates:
Tyrie: Most Heartwarming
Alex: Most Thought-Provoking
Jenn: Most Inspiring
Davis: Most Enjoyable
Stephen: Most Relatable
Colie: Most Surprising
Brooke: Most Evolving (God, let's hope so).
Bags are packed, faces are washed -- in the kitchen sink, for some reason.
They all want to leave at the same time -- like everyone in every other season. But Tyrie and Jenn leave first, while Brooke sobs about life-changing experiences, Jenn labels this the worst feeling in the world and Tyrie is determined not to cry.
Then Stephen leaves. "Steve is a great person inside and out, he's definitely the kind of guy that I would like to associate with for longer than just this summer," says Alex. Heaven forbid the Frat should be broken up.
"Steve did an amazing job of opening up his mind and his heart," Davis says. And Stephen agrees. For once, so do I.
"If there's one word to sum up this experience, it's acceptance." Accepting people is a big deal, he adds. Well, he's not even close to emulating Jesus yet -- but hey, at least he's getting somewhere.
Now Colie and Alex leave. Alex will miss it. "Everything about Denver exceeded my expectations," he says. Aw, shucks. "This is so weird, we're leaving Denver right now," Colie says. "Guess we should probably be making out, seems about right." Alex looks firmly out the window.
"I was just going through life so scared and so ready to be a victim of everything," Brooke says back at the house. A taxi driver comes for Davis and Brooke is left alone.
"Thank you so much for everything," Brooke cries. Davis has trouble saying goodbye. He knows they'll stay in touch. Brooke comes out again to hug him.
"You've been such a good friend to me," she sobs. Except that one time you told me I had a double chin, and I destroyed your room and told you to go to hell.
"I accept myself so much more as I keep getting accepted by other people," Davis reflects. Well done, Davis, you just gave the entire Christian right a reason to commit hate crimes.
"It has been exactly what I wanted and exactly what I needed," Brooke says of her experience. "I feel alive again. I did not feel alive before I came here but I feel alive now."
Brooke gets a limo. What the fuck? "Gosh, everybody else got cabs," she says. "It's a great way to go." Was she fucking a producer? But no, in the limo are champagne and a card that says "Congratulations Brooke, we are so proud of you, love Mom and Dad." She's the happiest she's been in her life.
"I love you, Denver!" Brooke yells as she drives away.
Gee, we wish we could return the sentiment.
So it seems to all have ended on a happy note -- but wait. There's more to come next week with the reunion special ... aka the show where the cast members get together and rip each other to shreds. Personally ... I can't wait! -- Amber Taufen