Mile High Hamburger Mary's
1336 East 17th Avenue
If watching a Super Bowl without Peyton Manning and the Broncos seems like a drag, call Hamburger Mary's to reserve a table for a Queens Meet Sportsball experience. Jessica L'Whor, Khloe Katz and Vivica Galactica will provide bawdy, rowdy and ridiculous entertainment, with one queen leading the Eagles fans and another leading Patriots fans — and with Jessica as referee. Jell-O shots, narrated commercial breaks (think snarky), games and smack talk will all be part of the fun. And a special post-game performance will be determined by the team that wins. Food and drink specials will also be available.
Public School 303
1959 16th Street
Since the Broncos are out of the Super Bowl again, you may want to watch the big game in neutral territory — to avoid being annoyed by noisy Bostonians or Philadelphians. Public School hails from California (which also got blanked in playoff victories this year), so you can enjoy the game in relative peace while enjoying good eats. PS303 is offering a $52 party tray (in honor of Super Bowl 52) that will feed eight to ten hungry sports fans with tots, wings, meatballs and sliders — the kind of food that will make you feel like you're at the game. So bring the gang downtown and drown your blue-and-orange sorrows in good grub and Colorado suds.
Rosenberg's Bagels & Delicatessen
725 East 26th Avenue
Yes, you can pick up bagels at Rosenberg's on Sunday, but if you want something a little more party-oriented, the deli is offering a preview of its upcoming Lou's Italian (which will open at 34th and Downing Street later this year). Stop by Rosenberg's (the Five Points location only) between 6 a.m. and 3 p.m. for a selection of three different six-inch subs to take home for your football-watching pleasure. The choices are the Lou (cured ham, Genoa salami, copa, provolone, shredded lettuce, tomato and giardiniera), a chicken cutlet sandwich (breaded chicken cutlet, fresh mozzarella, roasted red pepper and mixed greens), and a classic roast beef (with roast beef, provolone and horseradish). All three also come with their own customized condiments. Go early, because the sandwiches are expected to sell out. Whether your'e an Eagles or Patriots fan, these East Coast-style hoagies are a great game-day decision.
Southside Kitchen & Bar
3014 East Colfax Avenue
Everyone hates the New England Patriots — even the players' moms. If there's one thing America can unite behind, it's a party celebrating the overall hatred of Tom Brady and company. Southside gives us all a chance to vent our disdain and disgust of Boston's least favorite export. For $25, you can join your fellow haters at the bar for all-you-can-drink beers (from kickoff through the end of the game) from Victory (a Philadelphia craft brewery), PBR, Miller Lite and Guinness (with wine and well drinks also included in the deal). There will also be $7.50 Philly cheesesteaks (wit' Whiz or provolone, and fries included) and $1.50 bags of Snyder's of Hanover pretzels. Other drink specials will include $10 for a pour of Eagle Rare whiskey with a Victory beer, and $4 cans of Victory all day. The doors open at 2 p.m., giving you plenty of time earlier in the day to come to terms with rooting for the Eagles, whose fans are nearly as loathsome as New England's.
1938 Blake Street
Swanky's is every Packers fan's favorite downtown bar for cheese curds and fried bologna sandwiches. So what does Swanky's do when star quarterback Aaron Rogers goes down and Green Bay misses the playoffs? It throws a Super Bowl party anyway! For $30, you'll get all-you-can drink wells and drafts (from 3:30 p.m. until a half-hour after the game ends), $5.99 burger baskets and $2.50 Jell-O shots after touchdowns (so hope for a high-scoring game). There will also be giveaways of Mexico and Las Vegas vacations for two at half-time and the end of the game. Swanky's will have the sound up during the game — and more important, during the commercials.
ClusterTruck do the cooking for you. ClusterTruck is a delivery-only restaurant in Five Points with a big menu of beer-friendly food. Sign up and get your grub delivered straight to your door (but put a bathrobe on first!). Use promo code FR3SH for a free item on your first order. The delivery radius is limited, but the first thing ClusterTruck will ask is where you live.