You know that song "Ironic" by Alanis Morrisette? The one with the lyrics that go, "It's like raaay-ay-aaaaaain on your wedding day/It's a free riiiiiiiiii-ide when you've already paid," and something about having ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife?
While it's questionable whether any of those situations is actually ironic, it's true that they're all sucky. Just like what happened to Louise Chavez of Thornton on Friday.
Chavez put a penny into a slot machine at Fortune Valley Casino in Central City -- and the light went off! The machine said she'd won $42.9 million! Holy canoli! She was rich! But it was a mistake. The casino said the machine had malfunctioned, and to make it up to Chavez -- who was celebrating her birthday that day -- they gave her a free breakfast.
Five other questionably ironic but definitely sucky things as bad as that?
That's like Ed McMahon showing up on your doorstep with a Starbucks gift card.
That's like slaughtering a prize pig and only getting to eat the feet.
That's like being lucky caller number seven to win Lady Gaga tickets and then driving through a dead zone. (Yes, this one was an excuse to link to the "Telephone" video.)
That's like going on Let's Make A Deal in your best bunch-of-grapes costume, picking door number three and winning a year's supply of corned beef -- when you're allergic to beef.
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SHOW ME HOW
That's like being MC Hammer in 2010 instead of 1990.
Sucky. Dontcha think? Here's ABC's story about Chavez: