Lance Walker
Audio By Carbonatix
You are invited to a truly once-in-a-lifetime event.
A 34-year-old Denver woman, armed with knee pads and bubble wrap, is going to Cheesman Park on Saturday, Aug. 22, to attempt a milestone most people reach as children: roller skating for the very first time.
Heather Walker has a pair of bubblegum pink skates, two live sports commentators and the strength of her ancestors behind her. Now, she just needs an audience to witness her fulfill her “destiny.” Walker plastered flyers for the event all over town and shared a TikTok post with nearly 60,000 views. But why does she want a bunch of strangers to watch her roll, and probably fall?
“Embarrassment is the spice of life,” Walker says. “There’s nothing more exhilarating than failing in front of somebody.”
A former ballerina and current dancewear business owner, Walker began doing improv comedy in the last year. She was recently inspired by a comedian who attracted 1,000 spectators by simply folding a fitted sheet. She wanted an act of her own that would get a crowd to cheer for her.
Walker considered eating an entire watermelon or performing magic. Eventually, she landed on roller skating.
“I want to do things that encourage people to be silly,” Walker says. “My goal is to make comedy a little more accessible to people and to get the community a little more involved.”
Despite the silliness, she is taking the endeavor very seriously. Walker recruited her husband and a friend/former news broadcaster to serve as sports commentators, who will narrate her skating attempt. She put together a playlist inspired by the soundtracks of “Braveheart” and “Chariots of Fire.” She is also looking into hiring an artist to live-paint the event.
Walker even refused to stand up while trying on the roller skates in the store, determined to preserve the purity of the experience.
“This is the first time that roller skating is even coming into my life,” Walker says. “Nobody that I know roller skates. [As a child,] I didn’t even know that other kids did it. I wasn’t aware that it was a popular thing.”
As a former professional dancer, one might expect Walker to be graceful on roller skates. However, she says she has a poor track record for these kinds of activities. She couldn’t stand when she tried ice skating. And though she was able to ride a bike as a child, she failed while trying to pick it back up as an adult; “I literally forgot how to ride a bike,” she laughs.
Regardless, Walker is prepared to give roller skating her all. She plans to set up a finish line to mark the completion of her herculean feat.
“Whether I can actually skate to it or if I’m crawling, I will reach the finish line one way or another,” she says.
Godspeed, Walker.
Heather Walker’s first skate will be held on Saturday, Aug. 22 at 7 p.m. at Cheesman Park in Denver. Attendees are asked to meet at the Pavilion within the park at 1900 E.11th Ave. Admission is free.
