What week is it? A good week to get naked and be French

It's one of life's most bitter ironies that, as a general rule, the people most likely to be nudists are the people you least want to see nude -- and so it was with a collective sigh of relief from the pants-wearing world that Nude Recreation Week wrapped up yesterday in a flurry of draining jacuzzis and badly sunburned genitals. Nevertheless, while the fearsome spectre of nude recreation in general -- just do your self a favor and don't even imagine it -- is now fading into memories we're frantically trying to repress, the horror is not yet over: Thursday is National Nude Day.

In the meantime, luckily, there are a few other obscure days of celebration to keep you occupied; for example, today is World Population Day, started in 1989 by the United Nations Development Program to raise awareness of the detrimental effects of a rapidly growing earth-populace. In the 22 years since the holiday was created, incidentally, the world's population has grown by almost 30 percent. So fat lot of good that holiday is doing us.

But if you think that's worthless, then get a load of Barbershop Music Appreciation Day on Wednesday. Created in 2005 by Sweet Adelines International -- which is apparently an actual, honest-to-God Barbershop Quartet advocacy group -- this incredibly inconsequential celebration seeks to... you know... whatever.

Besides being National Nude Day here in the States, Thursday offers little consolation with the simultaneously occurring Bastille Day, which is like the French version of the Fourth of July -- which is to say much less badass. Because this is America and that means we don't give a shit about France, we did exactly no research on Bastille Day, but based on the little we already know, we're imagining what happens is that a lot of snooty French people hang out in cafes and guzzle wine and light a few crappy fireworks and then scoff at how crappy they are. Then they drive their Citroëns to the Eiffel tower and throw themselves off of it because they live in such a weak-ass country.

Sucks to be you, France.

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