Dear Readers: As you drinko por Cinco on May 5, please hold on to this column listing songs that mariachis will gladly play instead of having to glumly strum through the umpteenth “La Bamba” and “Guantanamera.” The following eclectic choices (and reasoning) came from hundreds of suggestions submitted by wabs…
Dear Mexican: First of all, please don’t think that I’m a self-loathing Mexican; I was born in the U.S. to northern Mexican parents. As far as I know, my ancestry is just Indian, Spanish and a little French. For some strange reason, I have developed an intense fascination — and…
Dear Mexican: In an earlier column, you mentioned that conservatives can’t have an argument against illegal immigration without it degenerating into a diatribe against culture. Here’s an argument that has nothing to do with culture. In California, we now have a severe water shortage. I work for a municipal water…
Dear Mexican: For as long as I can remember, Mexicans were known for doing three things: Drinking lots of cerveza, having lots of niños, and saying “¡Ay, caramba!” While I can vouch for the first two, I’ve never, ever personally heard a Mexican utter those famous two words. Is this…
Dear Mexican: Why are Mexicans so proud of the brutality of their police force? They seem to glamorize it in all their music and telenovelas. Batons Are Bats, or Super Oracles Dear BABOSO: I’ll let you know when Dirty Harry, Detective Sipowicz, Chief Wiggum and the producers of COPS get…
Dear Mexican: Why is it that when I go to the Mexican supermarkets to buy productos femeninas, fully 98 percent of the aisle provided for such things is composed of maxipads, and the limited selection of tampons are in dusty boxes with a sell-by date of 1986? I assume it…
Dear Mexican: Not sure if this has been asked before, but how do you feel about Arizona’s Sheriff Joe Arpaio? I think the guy’s a fucking racist who’s just out to get Mexicans to fulfill his racist agenda. He’s been relevant lately due to the protests in Arizona against Section…
Dear Readers: Many of ustedes offered alternate meanings to the Mexican Spanish vulgarity pinche, beyond “cooking assistant” and “fucking in the adverbial sense.” From our Puerto Rican brothers: In Puerto Rico, pinche is simply the term used for a wooden clothespin. There is no negative connotation of the word on…
Dear Mexican: I believe that the words people use to describe other people, intentionally or unintentionally, reflect their political values. But I want to give you the benefit of the doubt. You described César Chávez as hating “illegals” in a previous column, and as being ethnocentric early in his career…
Dear Mexican: What is the deal with Mexican denial when it comes to dealing with child sexual abuse? I know counselors who tell me that it’s a big problem trying to get Mexican families to admit and confront this. In my own experience, I have seen my Mexican relatives be…
Dear Mexican: I have a question from one Mexican to another: Why do gabachos think we know everything about plants? During conversations with the estadounidenses, I will get asked about plants, pruning, how to keep roses alive, etc. I understand many of my compatriotas working over here are gardeners (and…
Dear Mexican: I can’t tell you how disappointed I’ve been these past few days, as a U.S. citizen and ciudadano mexicano, seeing more and more stories about los narcos and how the Mexican government keeps getting screwed over in newspapers. I think you should dedicate a whole article in your…
Dear Mexican: I am a naturalized (legal) hispano in the U.S., and I just realized what the “illegal” craze is about. What immigrant-bashing citizens are trying to protect here are people like…me. Consider what this concerned woman said to John McCain during a public meeting in New Hampshire last year…
Dear Mexican: Mi hermano y yo tenemos un dispute. We all know that Mexicans love their bistec sliced muy thin, but why? My brother is adamant that the diet of free-range vacas mexicanas results in tough meat, necessitating a thin slice for easy mastication. I think the reason is purely…
Dear Mexican: What is it with Cesar Chavez? Recently in Dallas, we’ve gone through three attempts to name streets after Mr. Chavez. In one instance, the plan was to remove the name of two brothers who were city founders from a street named after them and rename the street Cesar…
Dear Mexican: I’m a Spanish teacher, and I’ve been hearing my students say a phrase, Tiki tu madre, and I am unsure what it means (if it truly means anything, which they swear it does). Maestra de Español Dear Teacher: Chula, your students están chingando contigo — or, in the…
Dear Mexican: How do Mexicans get such ridiculous nicknames from seemingly normal names? For instance, José becomes Chepe, Eduardo is Lalo, Gabriel becomes Gabi, and Guillermo devolves into Memo. It’s Marcela, Not Chela I want to know why Mexicans have such incongruous nicknames. In English, people have nicknames that have…
Dear Mexican: I was driving home along a road where a bunch of Mexicans live, and I noticed that almost every house has its Christmas lights still hanging from the rafters and reindeer and Santa Claus decorations weathered by the hot sun on the roofs. It’s the middle of May…
Dear Readers: A couple of columnas ago, I published a short list of my favorite books regarding Mexicans and Mexican-Americans and urged ustedes to submit better choices so that gabachos can have a Christmas shopping list for their favorite Mexicans, or at least understand nosotros better. Muchos responded, and below…
Dear Mexican: I’m Hispanic, not Mexican, and I hate it when people confuse me for one. I don’t like the stupid music you like, I don’t give a fuck about the stupid Virgin of Guadalupe, I don’t speak with the stupid accent, I don’t even look like an Indian. Why…
Dear Mexican: Why is it that those of us who oppose illegal immigration are called racist by many Mexicans? Personally, I think Hispanic people are beautiful and a diverse people who contribute tremendously to our culture (and are spicy hot, as well!). At the same time, I opepose illegals who…
Dear Mexican: I hear all the time that 12 million illegal immigrants live in the United States. Is that true? Who counted them? American Patrol Dear Gabacho: Counting the number of undocumented in this country is as exact a science as determining how Mexicans can fit so many people inside…
