Dear Mexican: I hear all the time that 12 million illegal immigrants live in the United States. Is that true? Who counted them? American Patrol Dear Gabacho: Counting the number of undocumented in this country is as exact a science as determining how Mexicans can fit so many people inside…

Dear Mexican: In the biography of Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood, he describes Jimi Hendrix as part black, Cherokee and Mexican. I’ve always heard about Jimi’s grandmother being Cherokee, but this was the first I’d read about him being Mexican. I Googled Hendrix’s name with the word “Mexican” and received…

Dear Mexican: In a column some time ago, you mentioned the Aztec prophecy claiming that their “descendants would reclaim ancestral lands in the southwest U.S.” I’d appreciate it if you could shed a little light on this statement. This is the mythical state of Aztlán you’re referring to, right? What…

Dear Mexican: In your October 23 column, I read that Mexicans enjoy Clamato the way Canadians do. The True North Strong and Free has a favored drink (the Caesar) made with Clamato. It is similar to a Bloody Mary but way, way better — and spicy, to boot! So don’t…

Dear Mexican: I know you’ve been asked variations of this before. I’m a gay white guy, and I’ve had three relationships with Mexican men in the last seven years. The first two lasted from three to six months; this past relationship actually lasted a year and culminated with us moving…

Dear Mexican: One of our Arizona politicians once said that the “crime” of being undocumented in this country is equivalent legally to that of a parking ticket. Do you know where I can verify this statement? So often in the argument over immigration, the bottom line for those who are…

Dear Mexican: A group of very young soldiers in the Mexican Army were being chased through the castle by U.S. Marines. At the end of the chase, the Mexicans realized they were trapped on a balcony and, instead of dying on bayonets, they wrapped themselves in Mexican flags and leapt…

Dear Readers: I don’t like to rerun columns, ’cause it makes me look like a lazy Mexican, but as my column invades foreign terrain (Steamboat Springs!), I realize that new readers might not understand some of my commandments. Following, then, are the two most frequently asked questions about the Mexican’s…

¡Ask A Mexican! Dear Mexican: Representative Chris Cannon of Utah, also known as Mr. Amnesty, one of La Raza’s heroes, was trounced in the Utah primary by a relative unknown who is from the Tom Tancredo school of immigration reform. Poll data shows that Cannon’s immigration stance was a major…

Dear Mexican: What is an anchor baby? I am a 45-year-old male born in the USA. My mother was born in ex-Yugoslavia (now Serbia), and my father was also born in ex-Yugoslavia (now Croatia). My father arrived in this country via a green card about four years before I was…

Dear Mexican: I am a chica struggling with the choice to come out to my parents about my sexual orientation. My family is Catholic, and my parents are old-school. While we are very close, I am scared of how badly this can go. My parents have been living in the…

Dear Readers: The Mexican’s new book, Orange County: A Personal History, is in your local bookstore on September 16 — by puro coincidence, Mexican Independence Day! In honor of and to shamelessly promote my muy caliente libro (which deals with America’s Gomorrah, the Reconquista and John Wayne), I’m answering a…

Dear Mexican: I’m an illegal alien. Got here on a tourist visa and stayed for a job. My gabacho employer knows about it and doesn’t give a crap. I don’t apologize about it, as ever since I can remember, the USA has meddled around other countries’ business like it owns…

Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans paint stripes on their donkeys in Tijuana? Avenida Revolución Reveler Dear Gabacho: Same reason we put worms in tequila bottles, celebrate Cinco de Mayo and star in Beverly Hills Chihuahua: to cheat gabachos out of cash. To paraphrase the classic dictum: A gabacho and his…

Dear Mexican: I am the proud uncle of five Mexican-redneck kids who recently moved to Wisconsin with their mamá wisconsiana after living in la Capirucha all their lives. I’ve talked to them on the phone several times a week since they left for la tierra de los sueños materializados, and…

Dear Mexican: As a Mexican, I’m always ashamed of the fact that a lot of Mexican women just come to the United States to have babies and to utilize this country’s welfare. I know a lot of them who just keep having children, and they do not pay a dollar…

Dear Mexican: Where I recently started working, Latinos make up about 95 percent of the work force. We are, however, prohibited from speaking Spanish. Our supervisor tells us that if we can speak so much as one word of English, we cannot speak in Spanish. We are constantly being threatened…

Dear Mexican: What’s with calling yourselves “La Raza”? Being Mexicans, Chicanos or whatever isn’t enough — now you’re the race? Sounds pretty racist to me.The Race Is On Dear Gabacho: Few things annoy the Mexican more than the Know Nothing Nation’s deliberate ignorance of this most nebulous of Mexican idioms…

Dear Readers: Gracias, merci, obrigado for the many submissions in our contest asking readers to argue in 25 words why corn tortillas are superior to flour, or vice versa. Below are the winners for some of the cities that carry the Mexican; see the full list at www.westword.com. Don’t like…

Dear Mexican: Why are there Mexicans in the Border Patrol? What a hypocritical thing to do to our people.Carne Asada Carlos Dear Wab: Not only are Mexicans in the Border Patrol, but la migra’s own figures show that Latinos make up about 52 percent of its force, comfortably outnumbering gabachos…

Dear Mexican: What’s the fascination that Mexicans have with Elvis?Good Roceando Tonight Dear Gabacho: Your question is spot-on, but it’s taken a while for Elvis to achieve icon status among Mexicans. As recounted in Eric Zolov’s Refried Elvis: The Rise of the Mexican Counterculture, the King largely sparked the roots…

Dear Mexican: Whenever I have a debate with my Chicano hermanos who support open borders and get angry at any type of immigration control, they don’t seem to understand the basic laws of economics, such as the fact that migrant workers who pick fruit, work in construction and do other…