It’s not a matter of whether there will be doll-on-doll rape in one of the short films at Hueso de Perro’s Halloweird II; it’s a matter of how much doll-on-doll rape there’ll be. “I’ve got this one with a Barbie-doll rape scene in it, and I’m not sure if I…
Cedar Point, for those who tragically may not know, is probably the fourth-greatest place on planet Earth — so it’s worth noting that I have only two distinct memories of the first time I went there, on a chartered bus with about forty other middle-schoolers in 1994: One is tossing…
It’s been close to a decade since the gore-spattered snowball of the zombie fad started rolling — check, for example, George Romero’s filmography, which boasts zero Whatever of the Dead flicks between 1990 and 2004 and five in the time since — and as this Halloween approaches, it’s once again…
If there’s any lesson we can take from our look back this week at a number of apocalyptic prophesies (apophesies, as I like to call them) in advance of what Harold Camping is predicting to be the end of the world today, it’s that they all have one key component…
Every sensible person knows that when Earth is eventually destroyed, it will be by a huge asteroid like the one that killed all the dinosaurs. We learned this mostly from Jerry Bruckheimer, but Jerry Bruckheimer probably learned it from the 1979 classic Meteor, the first movie ever about humans saving…
Just to be clear, there will be no actual zombies fighting at Fight to Win Productions’ Zombies Cage Fights tonight. Nor will the fighters themselves be dressed as zombies — though, as FTW owner Seth Daniels acknowledges, “that would be awesome.” But there will be zombies, and there will be…
Make no mistake: MileHiCon 43 is a literary science-fiction convention. “We do have discussions on media and movies, and on rare occasions we have media guests,” says convention chairwoman Linda Nelson. “But mostly we have authors, and our emphasis is definitely the literature.” On the other hand, it will almost…
Call it an unlucky guess: In March 1963, the Amazing Criswell, born Jeron Criswell Konig and otherwise known as Jeron Criswell King, predicted that John F. Kennedy would not run for re-election because something would happen to him in November 1963. In the course of a career of wildly inaccurate…
In late December 1999, while the artist then known as the artist formerly known as Prince was preparing to party, and while the rest of the world was shoveling canned goods into their bunkers in preparation for the would-be-apocalypse of Y2K, Kim Miller was trying to get to Jerusalem to…
The bad news is that Snoop Dogg is getting a sitcom, a no-doubt hackneyed affair starring the Doggfather as a patriarch with his mind on his family and his family on his mind. The even worse news is that Limp Bizkit front-penis Fred Durst is apparently getting one, too. The…
If there’s any universal truth we can draw from the horror of World War II, it’s that Hitler was a real asshole. In the history of real-life villains, really, there’s probably none more villainous than der Führer, the very epitome of evil — and therefore a referential touchstone for every…
The fraught waters of “world music” have dashed many a well-intentioned album upon the rocks of pandering contrivance and misguided condescension. But that’s never been the case for Paul Simon. Over the course of his nearly six-decade career, Simon has never shied from appropriating ethnic textures and rhythms for songs…
If the world had a nickel for every time the world was supposed to end, let’s just say the world would have a whole boatload of nickels — but as not-at-all-unusual as it may be for the various pseudo-prophets and charlatans of history to predict the endtimes, it is somewhat…
Once, when I was about eight years old, I rode my bike down a large hill made out of snow. That ended in one of the first serious injuries I ever sustained — a bruised rib — but it’s also a good example of why I’ve always loved roller-coasters: I…
From the opening Hello Muddah voiceover narration lines of the piffle-stuft trailer for Chalet Girl, which with a single stone kills the dual birds of explaining the plot and setting up a rapid-fire series of dumb jokes, it’s clear that this will be no ordinary romantic comedy. No, friends, this…
When Christ failed to make a second earthly appearance on May 21, 2011, it probably came as a surprise to few — would-be prophet Harold Camping, the Biblical number-cruncher who predicted that date as the day of the Rapture, had been wrong about the world ending before, after all. But…
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, as they say. Other times, one man’s trash is basically just another man’s trash, but at least it’s hilarious trash. That’s the case with today’s Sad Halloween Costume of the Day photo, in which a pudgy kid of indeterminate sex wearing a too-short…
Jumping the shark is that moment at which a television show, totally sapped of its former youth and wit and now coasting wearily from episode to episode on the momentum of its own clichés, buckles and collapses, like some bloated turd star, into self-parody. The expression, of course, refers to…
Indian summer: the kind of day that makes you keenly aware of time’s steady passing. Overhead, a breeze rustles through a tall tree in the back yard of the Arvada home where the Morning Clouds rehearse, sending a few more leaves down to the lawn. “It’s definitely fall now,” says…
Right on the heels of the really-fucking-big-deal opening of the Don Anema Memorial Skatepark in Northglenn — which rivals (if not outdoes) the Denver Skatepark for biggest park in the state — come two more hot skate spots in the northern suburbs: the Trail Winds Skatepark in Thornton, set to…
In the future, people will go apeshit for fighting robots. That’s apparently the half-assed premise of Real Steel, producer Steven Spielberg’s latest bid to let technology do the work for him — this time around in a more literal sense than usual — in which Hugh Jackman plays an incredibly…
The most intriguing rumor we’ve heard lately is that Houses frontman Andy Hamilton may be putting together a project with Eric Halborg, long-time frontman and bassist of the Swayback, and Chuck French, lead shredder for Git Some and one-time member of the now-mythic Planes Mistaken for stars. Hamilton confirms that…
