Ask a Stoner: Masks Hide My Red Eyes and Hash Pen Hits

Dear Stoner: I feel like masks would be a benefit for stoners. Now we can hit hash pens with more boldness in public, and red eyes don’t stand out as much. Agree?
Nigel

Dear Nigel: Covering up half of my face does distract from devilishly stoned eyes, but saving a few bucks on eye drops isn’t worth a global pandemic. Masks have also made me realize how bad my breath really is, and smoking pot plays a strong role in that. Coffee is undoubtedly the main culprit, but the dry mouth incurred by afternoon bong rips doesn’t help the journey toward minty freshness. It’s like I’ve been in a four-month conversation with my middle-school tech teacher, whose mouth was stained like a new wooden deck.

Unsplash/Marshal Quast

Blowing out a hash pen will make my stanky mouth even stankier — and I’d stick out like a magician with a wardrobe malfunction as vapor clouds permeated the sides of my face. Based on how fun it is to breathe with a mask on, I’m sure most of us would start hacking, too. Considering I’d rather fart than cough in public right now, that’s a hard pass.

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