Dear Stoner: You’d totally die first in a horror movie. Potheads always go early.
Dear Shane: They used to always go early.
Horror movies try to reflect current culture, and smoking weed in a movie is no longer confined to the Spicolis and Slaters of the big screen. Sure, puffing a doob can still fall into the sinful world of sex, drugs and alcohol, all of which are quick ways to die in a slasher flick, but it’s no longer a big target. In ’80s gore-fests like Friday the 13th, hotboxing a van was a clear marker that someone was about to get stabbed. It still sort of is — Hollywood likes to kill off sexually promiscuous and substance-abusing teens early — but now you’re seeing protagonists smoke weed and live, and that’s a win for me.
You’re totally right about my survival chances, though. Unless the horror movie was written by Seth Rogen, I wouldn’t last longer than thirty minutes. I don’t have the jawline.
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