Despite being inspired by real-world events, witches were always the lamest Halloween characters. Warts on their noses, shrieking voices and no taste in color — no, thanks. But then I saw Hocus Pocus on the Disney Channel, and that Bette Middler was sure a delight. I had high hopes that Witches Weed would be just as delightful.
A hybrid of Chemdawg D, Cinderella 99, OG Kush and San Fernando Valley OG, Witches Weed certainly sounds like it was brewed up in a cauldron, and its funky high is almost supernatural. I can usually pinpoint a strain's general effects after a couple of sessions, but Witches Weed continues to take me in different directions every time I smoke it, with varied levels of motivation, disorientation, focus, euphoria and giggles. Some people don't like the unpredictable high, but most tokers don't have a tolerance level high enough to notice the differences. I compare its effects to a weed salad: mixing a handful of different strains together for one sweet mindfuck. But what Witches Weed lacks in consistency, it makes up for in flavor. Vivid saccharine flavors of melon and cantaloupe soothe your tastebuds without much of a skunky, dank aftertaste to overpower them, and the cottonmouth is minor.
While Witches Weed has maintained a presence in Denver dispensaries for at least three or four years now, it's been gaining steam of late. Back to the Garden, the Clinic, DANK, Euflora, High Street Growers, Frosted Leaf, LoDo Wellness, the Stone Dispensary and Wellness Center of the Rockies have all recently carried Witches Weed. It's tough to beat the cut currently sold at the Clinic, though: The intoxicating fruit-salad scent will instantly put a spell on you.
Looks: Although its heavy pistil coverage is hairier than I'd like, the rusty-red hairs make for a nice contrast against the strain's bright-green calyxes and occasional purple shade. Trichomes, small in size but heavy in numbers, are draped along the buds like dewdrops.
Smell: Calming and fruity with a subtle sweetness, Witches Weed carries notes reminiscent of melon or cantaloupe. SFV OG and Cinderella 99's tangy notes are strong, with quiet but noticeable scents of soil and spice rounding it out.
Flavor: Witches Weed's heavy melon and fruit flavors take over the palate, giving off a savory sweetness much like cantaloupe or honeydew. The strain's earthy notes come in later without impacting the fruity aftertaste.
Effects: Don't expect an even-keeled high with an initial mind rush and eventual body melt — you're at the Witch's mercy. Although the strain is great for killing stress or anxiety while inducing appetite, its effects are hard to predict, so have a game plan before consuming. Medical benefits include treating nausea, minor pain, headaches and insomnia.
Commercial grower’s take: “You'd think this came from California because of its heavy OG influences, but I think it actually came from the Netherlands via Dutchgrown Seeds. It's kind of weird: It was gaining steam a few years back, and then it just sort of faded away. Now it's back again.”
Home grower's take: “Takes about nine weeks to flower after [vegetation], so be prepared for a wait. Not the easiest to deal with if you're not confident in your topping, either, because it's a grower. Still, the yield is always pretty good — around four ounces per plant, usually — and that flavor is really good. I usually look for something else, though, because its genetics are hard to verify. Too many out there.”
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