Ask a Stoner: How to Cultivate a Budtender Romance

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Dear Stoner: How does one go about winning the heart of a dispensary worker? The weed workers are always interesting, cool and, of course, down with the herb. What’s not to like?
Madly in Love Mario

Dear Mario: I’m happily married, so I can’t tell you much about how to flirt with budtenders. But I do know that as a general rule, service workers don’t like being blatantly hit on by the public. It’s one thing to ask how their week is going and what they have planned for the weekend, but it’s another to hand over your phone number after they hand you a bag of Sour Diesel. If they are attractive, they probably already get it more often than you think. Also, keep in mind that while budtenders are usually great people, they are being paid to be nice to you.

But who are we to stand in the way of love? If you truly feel a connection with someone across the bud counter and think they feel the same way about you, you can always put your little green heart on the line and say something. You’ll find out quickly whether it was meant to be or if you’re just another weirdo. Worst-case scenario is you’ll walk out embarrassed and have to find a new dispensary.

Dear Stoner: If you are a resident of Colorado for two years, can you sell from your home if you have a retail license?
Good Neighbor

Dear Neighbor: Technically, yes. But really, no. There’s no state rule saying you have to sell from a commercial space or can’t be licensed to sell out of your home; the only thing to prevent you from doing so would be local regulations in the city and/or county where you live. So if you live in an unincorporated area in the right county, you might be able to pull off running a retail marijuana business from your home.

Good luck finding that magical county, though; we couldn’t. For the most part, every municipality in Colorado has had to reset the rules regarding cannabis since 2012, and if they haven’t banned recreational pot sales outright, they probably now have rules that won’t allow you to sell it from your home. And even if they don’t, in Denver and many other cities, you’d have to grow your cannabis at a facility zoned for industrial use and then sell it out of a commercially zoned property approved by the city.

For what it’s worth, it’s not a great idea to invite strangers into your home in the first place. In the early days of MMJ dispensaries, there were several run out of people’s homes — and they always felt uber-sketchy.

Got a question for our stoner? Hit us up at marijuana@westword.com or leave a message on the potline at 303-293-2222.

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