Leave Britney Alone, September 12

Here's a brief look at some of the items America is desperate to learn about today:

Leave Britney alone Video blogger Chris Cocker completely loses it and goes on shrieking, sobbing, incoherent tirade inveighing people to just please, please leave poor Britney Spears alone. Looks like Britney’s remaining fans are just about as batshit crazy as she is these days. At least Cocker got her wish, since now everyone is busy ridiculing her instead of Spears.

Led Zeppelin reunion Rock legends Led Zeppelin are reuniting for a one-off show in London. Look, it’s not Zeppelin without John Bonham, period. Maybe if Robert Plant asks nicely he can borrow the reanimation technology that’s been keeping Al Davis and Dick Cheney alive in zombified form and use it to bring back Bonham’s moldering corpse to bang the drums one last time.

Brett Darrow A cop in suburban St. Louis goes nuts and makes wild threats against the wrong guy: Brett Darrow, the guy with a video camera on his dash and YouTube account.

Bill Belichick Bill Belichick is making news not for his winning ways, but his cheating ones, after a Patriots employee is caught filming the defensive signals of Jets coaches. Who ever said cheaters never prosper? This guy’s won three Super Bowls!

Setara Qassim Southwest Airlines is in the news again for their recent practice of asking sexy, scantily clad women to cover up or exit the flight. This time it was Setara Qassim, who was asked to put on a sweater or cover up with a blanket to get her ample cleavage out of sight. Southwest, please get a clue. An attractive, underdressed person is not offensive to most flyers. If you want to do something about genuinely objectionable flyers, how about a policy that blocks people who haven’t showered in a week and ate two raw onions for lunch from boarding the plane? I'm always seated next to that guy. – Cory Casciato

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