Crack is whack. Crack kills. Say no to crack. Sound familiar? Well, kids, I’m here to tell you that not all crack is bad. Some crack is actually really, really good. I’m not talking about the stuff that Shawn Carter cooked in his kitchen and sold in G-packs before he became Jay Z. I’m talking about Green Crack — the classic, energetic strain formerly known as Cush, only to be allegedly rebranded “Green Crack” by Snoop Dogg because of the uplifting high that made the rapper and his crew fiend for more.
After bumping some 213 on the way to Herbs4You, 20 East Ninth Avenue, I was already in a West Coast state of mind and ready to enjoy some sunshine with a sativa on a Friday afternoon. Since this was my first time at the dispensary, I asked the budtender to show me almost everything she had in stock — but my choice wasn’t difficult. While the Pineapple Express and Chem #4 were both moderately intriguing, with their firm buds and distinct aromas, a few friends have grown these strains to near perfection, and I didn’t want an unfair standard clouding my objectivity. So the Herculean buds of Green Crack, a strain I hadn’t enjoyed since college, definitely stood out. I bought a gram for $13.33 after tax and drove away with Nate Dogg crooning about bongs and bitches on my stereo.
The 1.3-gram nug was a beautiful sight for any pothead: barely any stem, all piney-green bud, and sticky as a Popsicle stain. It didn’t smell like much after a light pinch, but breaking it in half for an afternoon bowl provided the smell of Sour Patch Kids and silt I was looking for. The taste, though faint, was pleasant enough and complemented by a smooth smoke free of coarseness. Initial berry flavors and a piney-citrus aftertaste were a little louder through a Volcano bag vaped at 300 degrees, but they would’ve been hard to notice if I hadn’t been looking for them.
Green Crack is known as a forceful sativa with effects that some have compared to Red Bull. Herbs4You claimed that its version was 90 percent sativa, and my wide eyes and catlike reflexes after puffing some provided no evidence to the contrary. Afternoon seshes before I go downtown on the weekend are usually a bad idea, but the Green Crack high was virtually free of both paranoia and comedown, leaving me the energy and quick wit I needed to stay chumming on Blake Street until the early morning. Writing papers, coping with stress and a day outdoors would all benefit from a few tokes of Herbs4You’s Green Crack — which is exactly why I’m saving the rest for my next Fourteener.
Strain Gang is our weekly critique of a cannabis strain at a recreational store. For MMJ reviews, go to westword.com/news. Have a suggestion for a strain review? Send it to email@example.com.