Medical marijuana dispensary review: North Boulder Wellness Center

The recent floods in Boulder had one positive effect: The University of Colorado football game was canceled last weekend. I know it's selfish of me, but Boulder is much, much easier to get around without thousands of people masquerading as fans for a subpar college football team and using it as an excuse to get drunk.

Without the traffic, getting up to North Boulder Wellness Center from Denver was a (slightly humid) breeze.

North Boulder Wellness Center

1495 Yarmouth Ave. Boulder, CO 80304 720-328-0118

Hours: 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Monday through Saturday, 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Sunday. Raw marijuana price range: $9-$13/gram $30-$40/eighth-ounce, $175-$225/ounce. Taxes not included in pricing. Other types of medicine: shatter, hash, wax, edibles, tincture, lotions. Online menu? Yes. Handicap-accessible? Yes.

Beware: The MMC isn't the most obvious. I drove past it twice, assuming Siri and Google were conspiring to sidetrack me before realizing that the slate-roofed, pink retirement-condo-esque townhomes I was passing were actually businesses. Parking and entrances are in a lot behind the building.

The shop shares an entrance with what looks like a holistic healing center, though it's easy to figure out which is which when you walk in via the required locked entrance. I rang the buzzer and stood around for a minute while one of the women working the bud counter walked barefoot over to the door to let me in. There were two patients ahead of me, so I snagged a glass of water and took a seat in one of the two vibrating massage chairs on site.

The waiting room felt like the living room of pot dealers I used to use in the past. Not college-hippie pot dealers, but the post-graduate bachelors with nice apartments who sold pot on the side to supplement their income. All of the furniture felt like a single man had walked into an American Furniture Warehouse store with his credit card and walked out an hour later with his living room.

After about ten minutes of reading magazines while having my back artificially karate-chopped in the chair, it was my turn to head back through the arched doorway to the tranquil, roomy bud bar.

A long, black-wood-and-glass display case is set up around the space, with bud in the cabinet facing the door and accessories and vaporizers in the case to the right. Whompy electronic music thumped from a stereo nearby, echoing around the tall, angled ceilings. The space was lit solely by the huge windows, emphasizing the relaxed, Saturday-morning vibe of the place.

My budtender was a laid-back college student, happy to show me buds and offer her commentary on them -- which wasn't ever anything more than "That's one of my favorites" or "That's a good strain." Based on the center's menu of interesting genetics, a slant toward OG varieties and high marks online, I figured I was in for a treat.

Unfortunately, everything on the shelf I checked out looked like it was harvested prematurely or didn't get enough nutrients during flower. The strains had a light, fluffy appearance and the same dried-green-tea smell to them regardless of which of the three price tiers they were set at. No strain-distinct odors from cuts of OG Cheese, Power Kush, Trainwreck, Blue Dream, Kandy Kush x Dark Star, Hell's Angel's OG, OGer and other normally funkadelic strains. Total letdown.

Continue for the rest of the review and more photos.
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William Breathes
Contact: William Breathes

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