Best Guess for When Denver International Airport Will Open
November 23, 1994
It's easy--just take the number of Wellington Webb's buddies who got fat airport contracts, divide by the number of cracks in the runways, multiply by Federico Pena's shoe size, add Dan Caplis's legal bill and you arrive here. Added bonus: The day before Thanksgiving is the busiest travel day of the year and will ensure maximum chaos, a prerequisite for all things DIA-related.
Readers' choice: Never
Best Use for DIA Until Then
Thrill rides on the baggage system
Those high-tech carts zip along elevated tracks so rapidly that they look like the mining cars in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Helmets and knee pads are recommended: Like the suitcases this technological marvel was designed for, you run the risk of being hurled to the cement floor at any time. And then there's the chance that the crew at Dateline NBC or some other bunch of buttinskis may have stashed a spy camera in the adjoining seat. But hey, it's all part of the attraction. The system may turn luggage into coleslaw, but it looks like a hell of a ride.
Readers' choice: Homeless shelter
Best Way to Pay for DIA
Project DEBTOR (Decisions Enabling Bond Termination or Retirement)
Step one: Transfer plutonium, pondcrete, etc., from Rocky Flats to airport site. Step two: Pack in suitcases and insert into BAE baggage system. Step three: Discover that substances have disappeared without a trace en route to terminal. Step four: Bill feds $3.7 billion for waste disposal services. Step five: Declare victory.
Readers' choice: Garnish Federico Pena's wages
Best Song About DIA
Pam Clifton
Penned for a Historic Denver benefit, actress/singer Pam Clifton's ode is sung to the tune of "Camelot":
Who cares if they say the runways are all cracking
We know that we're not going to have to pay,
'Cause we have got that Silverado backing...
At DIA.
Pretend you're flying in from Cincinnati,
You need a place close by at which to stay.
Just bring a tent, you'll find there's lots of camping
Near DIA.
(at) DIA...DIA...
We know the place will be run fair.
(spoken) Why?
('Cause at) DIA...DIA...
All the mayor's friends work there.
You need a plane in order just to get there,
The thought of taking luggage is absurd.
But we will find a way,
To open it some day.
The city will be better off when it has DIA.
(at) DIA...DIA...
There's no one there to waste your time
(spoken) Why?
('Cause at) DIA...DIA...
They only service one airline.
Best Hotel at DIA
N/A
Best Joke About DIA
Governor Roy Romer
The guv drew guffaws at the Denver Metro Chamber Business-to-Business Expo by claiming that he and Mayor Wellington Webb were "going into business together to produce a new line of lightweight, carry-on luggage." Excuse the DIA bondholders if they forgot to laugh.
Best Joke at DIA
Gary Sweeney
Local artist Gary Sweeney didn't have any inside information--honest--when he designed his $100,000 artwork, "America, Why I Love Her," to grace the new airport's baggage area. But he didn't need any: He was drawing not only on his artistic experience but also on his alternative career as a Continental baggage handler. The resulting piece includes a pair of wall-size puzzle maps of the United States, noting assorted amusements and attractions around the country. Denver, however, is marked with a star and the words: "You Are Here but Your Luggage is in Pittsburgh/Spokane." Airport authorities didn't appreciate the humor--and that was before BAE's baggage system was blamed for the most recent DIA delay. Art imitates life.
Best Airport
World Indoor Airport
Metropolitan State College
For the time being, you'll have better luck using your imagination at this high-tech aerospace training lab than you will using the runways at DIA. The computerized facility at Metro is easy to get to, noiseless, doesn't cost millions, and everything works. Usually. Student pilots have been known to crash, but they always walk away from accidents without a hair out of place. Virtual reality is a wonderful thing.
Best DIA Grounds Crew
Boyer vs. Boyer
When Bill Boyer began training his sons Dennis and Sam in the finer points of the roasting biz, perhaps he dreamed they'd take over the firm one day. But the boys' vision was different from their father's--since they split with Dad in 1985, their Brothers Gourmet Coffees, Inc., has grown to become the second largest retailer of fancy javas in the nation, clocking in only behind the ubiquitous Starbucks. The family schism will take on a new dimension this year: Father and sons will go head-to-head with competing coffee shops at Denver International Airport. May the best cup win.
Best Airport Kvetch
Gene Amole, Rocky Mountain News
Gene Amole is old. He's cranky. He's right.
Best Religious Experience
World Youth Day
Who couldn't love those earnest and interesting young people with gleams in their eyes, wallets in their pockets and love in their hearts? They smiled a lot, didn't spit on the sidewalk and, because hardly any of them seemed to have their learner's permits yet, didn't tie up traffic. And they spent so much money that most downtown merchants would like to see the Pope stop by again this year. Fat chance.
Best World Youth Day Souvenir
The Pope Mug
Yeah, the tacky T-shirts were terrific (one featured a portrait of Pope John Paul II and the phrase "Feel the Power"). But they were nothing compared to the papal mug. Empty, it featured Denver at night; full of hot liquid, it revealed a bright daytime scene illuminated by a giant Pope head that dwarfed the local skyline.
Best World Youth Day Kvetch
Arapahoe County Sheriff Pat Sullivan
Sheriff Pat Sullivan, the man in charge of security for the mass at Cherry Creek State Park that capped off the Pope's visit last August, spent much of the summer blasting the local archdiocese for its lack of preparation. The night before the mass, the lawman went on dozens of media outlets to reveal his visions of apocalyptic traffic problems and urge people to stay home and watch the Pope on television. So many thousands took his advice, or chose alternative modes of transportation, that the nightmares he described never materialized. If only the shortage of portable toilets had been dealt with so well.
Best Religious Transformation
Old BMH Synagogue Building
16th Ave. and Gaylord St.
Originally erected in 1919, this house of worship was used for religious purposes up until the Sixties. Since then, the building, sporting tall, lovely arched windows, soaring ceilings and plaster frieze-work, has fallen on hard times--despite serving, among other things, as a Jazzercise hall. In a brilliant leap of faith, the old shul is now being transformed into the dramatic Avenue Lofts.
Best Good Deed by Firefighters
George Romero and Michael Kimsey
Denver Fire Department
Denver firefighters George Romero and Michael Kimsey arrived at an apartment-house fire in Capitol Hill last winter to find a 23-year-old man on a fifth-story ledge, ready to jump. The firefighters slapped up a forty-foot extension ladder--a job that normally takes four people--but it didn't reach far enough. Even after extending the ladder past its stops, they found they were six feet short. Kimsey climbed up anyway, while Romero anchored him. When Kimsey got to the top, the man on the ledge leaped out to him, shaking the ladder and threatening to send them both to the ground. Kimsey and Romero held on. The victim, though badly burned, survived.
Best Good Deed by a Cop
Officer Phil Newton
Denver Police Department
Denver resident Tony Brown, who suffers from a genetic bone disease, was attacked from behind; the perpetrators got his entire monthly income from a just-cashed Social Security check. Working on his own time, Officer Phil Newton got Brown's rent and utilities paid through the city's victim's assistance office and asked the bank where he works off-duty to set up a free checking account so Brown wouldn't have to carry cash. With the help of fellow officers in District 1, he raised enough money to get Brown's daughter's Christmas presents out of layaway at a local K mart. That's one good cop.
Best Good Deed by an Amateur
Loyal Burner
Following the abduction of Rhonda Maloney last winter, police launched a dragnet search for the woman. In spite of their considerable resources, however, they discovered little of substance until Loyal Burner, an Aurora native not affiliated with any law enforcement agency, assigned himself to the case. Armed with nothing more than a homemade map and common sense, he located Maloney's body in a few hours. Give that man a badge.
Best Volunteer
Shannon Castle
Lots of people volunteer--but how many of them are fourteen years old? Colorado Springs teenager Shannon Castle recently gained national recognition for her community involvement. The young do-gooder works with disabled persons as part of a therapeutic horseback-riding program in Black Forest. Selected from over 600 kids in her age group who wrote essays about their volunteer efforts, Castle was awarded a $2,500 "American Teenagers Are Chipping In" scholarship sponsored by the Snack Food Association and the National Potato Board.
Best Brainiacs
Odyssey of the Mind Team
George Washington High School
The five-person team from GW got so smart they emerged as world champions--yes, world champions--of the grueling Odyssey of the Mind competition, an IQ-busting national tournament that suffers no fools. The winners were: Michele Muggli, Seth Magle, Lindsay Martin, Elizabeth Libero and Adam Lawson--not to mention a second GW team that posted an admirable second-place finish in the state tourney.
Best New Undertaking
Calvin Natt
Nuggets-forward-turned-mortician Calvin Natt didn't need the negligible salary of a high school basketball coach, and he didn't care about the limelight. But when the bodies of young men killed in gang violence kept showing up at his funeral home, Natt knew he had to do something for teenagers. Forget Montbello's record on the floor. As the school's new coach, Natt has become a role model and an inspiration, not to mention an advocate of tough defense. He now stands even taller than he did in his playing days.
Best Philanthropy
Two Percent Club
This loose affiliation of 121 local businesses doesn't hold meetings, strong-arm people to join, hire phone banks to drum up cash or even hold annual meetings. Members simply make a commitment: to give at least 2 percent of their annual profit to local charities. When it comes to community service, the Two Percenters are batting a thousand.
Best Cutting-Edge Philanthropy
WhizBang!
816 Lincoln St.
Pat Howlett earns his keep by hawking cutting-edge computer systems, but he earns his brownie points by donating computers, software and expertise to the city's Glenarm Recreation Center. As a result, inner-city kids at the center get help with their homework--and an educational jump-start into the world of technology.
Best Military Maneuver
Colorado Army National Guard
Working in MASH-style tents on the playground of Crofton-Ebert Elementary School last winter, the medics of the 147th Combat Support Hospital gave vaccinations, battled ear infections, performed heart screenings, fought off respiratory problems and even patched up a stab wound. Their patients? Hundreds of down-on-their-luck residents, many of them children, who, thanks to the GuardCare program, got their first real medical care in years.
Best News for Fruits and Vegetables
House Bill 1290
Thanks to the legislature, thin-skinned Colorado apples won't be bruised and potatoes won't get their peelings hurt. The bill, dubbed "son of veggie" after last year's effort by Representative/ commercial fruit grower Steve Acquafresca, makes it illegal to spread false rumors about crops and other food products. So bite your tongue.
Best Public Servants
Legislative Bill Room Clerks
200 E. 14th Ave., Room 022
You might think that toiling away day after day filing papers for the legislature in a dreary basement would set the stage for a bunch of grumpy, stingy state employees. You'd be wrong. The folks at the legislative bill room quickly and cheerfully research information about dead bills and new laws, and if you come down in person, they'll load you down with all manner of educational materials, including a booklet explaining how the legislative process works and a poster (suitable for framing) featuring photos of all the state senators and representatives.
Best Local Politician
Walter Cass
Moffat Tunnel Commission
The tunnel commission used to be a real bore. Then voters elected 73-year-old Walter Cass, who plays the violin in a dance band when he's not busy overseeing the six-mile-long railroad tunnel under James Peak. Thanks largely to his urging, the five commissioners this year demanded hefty rent payments from the Winter Park ski area, which for years has used state land free of charge, and they pushed a bill through the state legislature that actually allows them to give money back to their constituents. Play it, Walter!
Readers' choice: Pat Schroeder
Best Imitation of a Local Politician
Loren Smith
Clive Cussler's Inca Gold
In the latest thrill-a-minute bestseller from local author Clive Cussler, hero Dirk Pitt is back--and so is his bodacious, leather-clad gal-pal Loren Smith, a woman equally adept at heating up our hero's blood, debating on the House floor and making huevos at her noteworthy Mexican brunches. "A five-term congresswoman from the state of Colorado," Cussler notes, Loren Smith "was respected by her colleagues for her grasp of difficult issues and her uncanny gift for coming up with solid solutions." Any resemblance between Loren and Colorado's actual congresswoman is strictly coincidental, suggest aides to Denver's Pat Schroeder.
Best Hobby of a Local Politician's Aide
Chasing Butch Cassidy
Dan Buck, of Pat Schroeder's office
The veteran head of Congresswoman Pat Schroeder's office in D.C., Dan Buck has spent almost as many years on the trail of crooks more legendary than those usually found in Congress: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. He shares his sleuthing obsession with his wife, Anne Meadows, who details their investigative efforts to track the pair's turn-of-the-century movements in South America in the book Digging Up Butch and Sundance, released this year by St. Martin's Press. In the beginning, though, Buck did much of the research in the Library of Congress, leading Meadows to ask him, "What do Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid have that I don't have?" Answered Buck: "Stacks of stolen bank notes."
Best Political Prank
Henry Alford
Prankster and undercover journalist Henry Alford didn't want to change the course of Colorado politics when he volunteered to be a VIP driver at the 1992 Democratic National Convention in New York City--he just thought it might make an amusing story. And with an unwitting Colorado Governor Roy Romer along for the ride, it sure did. "Drive, He Said," a chapter in Alford's book Municipal Bondage, describes the close calls along the way--most centering on his lack of driving ability, but one involving a certain notepad filled with scrawls about Alford's illicit assignment that Romer borrowed to jot down some information about a prison crisis back in Colorado. Most disheartening of all, though, was the discovery that being the driver--even the fake driver--of the governor of Colorado doesn't carry a lot of weight in New York City; at one point Alford was reduced to announcing that "the guy I'm picking up is the governor of Colorado and of Arizona." Next time, throw in Utah, too.
Best Accidental Legislator
State Senator Mike Feeley
The Democratic side of the ballot was bare in 1992 when attorney Mike Feeley offered up his name as a sacrificial lamb for the state Senate seat held by Bonnie Allison, an Edgewater Republican. "I honestly didn't think there was a real possibility of winning, since the Republican incumbent was a very reasonable moderate," Feeley says. "The only thing I promised myself was that I wasn't going to embarrass myself." Instead, it was Allison who got fleeced at the primary by a surprisingly strong flock of right-wing Republicans. And Feeley, the accidental candidate, went on to take the seat representing Lakewood, Edgewater and part of unincorporated Jefferson County. Since then, he's acquitted himself admirably in the Colorado Legislature--so admirably, in fact, that in May he became the Senate minority leader, which puts him third in line for the governorship.
Best-Dressed Legislator
State Senator Paul Weissmann
Some lawmakers didn't feel that first-term state senator from Louisville and part-time bartender Paul Weissmann (his specialty: the "Drain Pipe Baby Drop-Off," named after subterraneanTexas tot Jessica McClure) was showing the proper respect when he'd show up at the Capitol in his shirtsleeves. But after a brief attempt at suiting up in more sober attire, Weissmann went right back to his more laid-back look. After all, when someone wants to get to work--and he does--it's easier to roll up the sleeves if there's no jacket over them.
Best City Council Contrarians
Mary DeGroot and Ted Hackworth
The Denver City Council mysteriously disappeared this year--with the notable exception of Mary DeGroot and Ted Hackworth, the only two members who didn't seem left strangely speechless by the ongoing fiasco at the new airport. If not for the public questions raised by this unlikely Democrat/Republican pair, the council--which at last word still included eleven other people we seem to remember electing--would have remained uniformly mute as one of the world's largest-ever public works projects crash-landed right in its backyard.
Best Sportsmanship
Denver Broncos
All Reverend Oscar Tillman of the NAACP wanted from team owner Pat Bowlen was a contribution to help cover funeral costs for "Daddy" Bruce Randolph, the local legend who for years fed the city's hungry with his Thanksgiving feasts. Instead, Bowlen and the Broncos offered to foot the whole bill--a fitting tribute to a man who, like them, knew his way around a pigskin.
Best Tribute to a Good Sport
Billy Blues Barbecue Restaurant
695 Kipling St., Lakewood
When this international chain of blues-and-barbecue joints opened a new venue in Lakewood, it included a personal touch: A wall in the restaurant plastered with Daddy Bruce memorabilia including a large collection of vintage photographs depicting Daddy Bruce in front of his barbecue establishment. Baby backs, blues and Bruce--it all seems to fit.
Best Use of a Crack House
Family Star Child and Parent Education Center
1331 E. 33rd Ave.
A little over five years ago, Mitchell Elementary School principal Dr. Martha Urioste cracked right down on this house, once an abandoned building used for drug dealing. She rounded up neighborhood parents and community leaders, forming an organization called Family Star. The group took over the building and turned it into a Montessori-style school for preschool and kindergarten-aged children. You could learn a lesson from Dr. Urioste.
Best Poetry Slam
Douglas Bruce
Quoth antitax bard Douglas Bruce, while testifying at the legislature against yet another pesky spending measure: "Unless this bill falls/We'll chase you down halls/And drive you up walls/And cut off...your calls."
Best Poetry Flashback
Rodolfo "Corky" Gonzales
Rodolfo "Corky" Gonzales sizzled at the helm of the Crusade for Justice, a Chicano rights organization seeded in the turbulent Sixties. The eloquent activist, who made local headlines regularly, went on to lead and promote grape and lettuce boycotts that spread across the country in support of migrant farmworkers. But these days, Gonzales, who has been ailing, is content to be a poet. In recent months he's popped up at area bookstores to autograph copies of his epic poem Yo Soy Joaqun, written in the Sixties and considered by many to be the definitive example of Chicano literature.
Best Poetry About DIA
Lou Malandra
Local playwright Lou Malandra was working for baggage-system builder BAE when airport officials began searching for someone who could write a tribute to the project's 10,000 workers. Malandra quickly bagged the commission and began turning construction slang into the free verse of "Natives and Nomads." DIA plans to etch his words in bronze, capturing forever such muscular prose as: "backbone of this country/steel-toed, jean clad, one with the dirt/tattooed with the fangs of a viper, bloody on your bicep." Don't expect the same treatment, though, for Malandra's other work, "Stewards of the People," originally designed to immortalize the bureaucrats behind DIA. "It took a long time to get started on this one," Malandra confessed to a reporter. "I do have disdain for the bureaucracy."
Best Radical Cheek
The Lesbian Avengers
So little imagination goes into political protest these days--with the glaring exception of the Avengers, merry pranksters who've brought a sense of humor back to the business of being aggrieved. They may have failed in their effort to infiltrate Focus on the Family's new headquarters by dressing in "church lady" drag, but their contribution to the holiday spirit--rewriting traditional carols and singing the raunchy new versions for shoppers on the 16th Street Mall--made it a truly blue Christmas.
Best Appearance by a Local Lesbian in Seventeen Magazine
Melanie Klomp
When we were young, we couldn't have imagined seeing the pubescent perils of a "butch" lesbian detailed on the pages of sweet Seventeen. It finally happened in the October 1993 issue, which featured Denver's own Melanie Klomp. Alongside ads for zit cream and teen fashions, readers learned how Klomp was harassed in the halls by high school classmates--and then became a gay activist fighting Amendment 2. Two years after graduating, noted the teen journal, Klomp continues to work with high school peer counselors from around the state--while making a living as a construction worker. Keen!
Best New Law
House Bill 1164
With this splashy piece of legislation, a rainbow coalition of lawmakers made the greenback cutthroat trout the state's official fish, allowing it to join such illustrious company as the columbine (state flower), blue spruce (state tree), lark bunting (state bird), Rocky Mountain bighorn sheep (state animal), aquamarine (state gemstone) and stegosaurus (state fossil). Pass the tartar sauce.
Best Proof That Getting Fired Can Help Your Career
Peter BoylesKTLK-AM 760 Peter Boyles was taken for granted as a Denver chatterer until he was bounced by the management at his longtime broadcasting home, KYBG-AM. The firing led to an outcry in the press, as well as to blind panic among the formerly silent members of the Boyles fan club, who promptly rallied around their hero. Boyles is now top dog at a new station, while KYBG is stuck airing New Yorker Don Imus's tired rants. Clearly, Boyles got the last laugh.
Best Proof That Getting Fired At Can Help Your Career
Ken HamblinKNUS-AM 710 He took a lot of heat from black leaders who found his right-wing references to "dark town" offensive--and from a co-worker who accused him of sexual harassment. Instead of ending his career, though, the criticism only raised Ken Hamblin's profile, giving him a second wind as the nationally syndicated voice of black conservatism. Be careful about attacking this man.
Best Proof That There's Life After Sitcoms
Claudia LambKHOW-AM 630 Claudia Lamb appeared as a regular on the Seventies soap spoof Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman. But while other child stars--The Partridge Family's Danny Bonaduce springs gruesomely to mind--have unraveled in very public ways after their TV careers went off the charts, the former Heather Hartman's talk show is getting better with each passing week. Video doesn't always kill the radio star.
Best Ten O'Clock News
KMGH-TV Channel 7
It may lack the slick production values of the competition, but then Channel 7's broadcast tends to focus on real news. The station has been miles ahead of the broadcast pack in covering problems at DIA and other City Hall issues. And while the CBS affiliate may have bragged a little too much about its No. 1 rating following the Winter Olympics, let it enjoy it. It was a long time coming.
Readers' choice: KCNC-TV Channel 4
Best Hair on a Local TV Personality (Male)
Alan Gionet
KCNC-TV Channel 4
The King is alive! Or at least his pompadour lives on, this time ensconced atop the personage of newscaster Alan Gionet (rhymes with toupee). His gravity-defying coiffure towers a good two---maybe even two and a half--inches above his brow yet lacks the rigidity so apparent in weekend anchor Kathy Walsh's 'do. Hats off to your barber, Alan.
Readers' choice: Ron Zappolo
Best Hair on a Local TV Personality (Female)
Anne Trujillo
KMGH-TV Channel 7
We know that Anne Trujillo, who heads Channel 7's early shift, doesn't just roll out of bed looking like that--but we can dream, can't we? Trujillo's hairstyle--a smooth, wavy brunette bob reminiscent of the Grace Kelly look--is as no-nonsense as her professional delivery.
Readers' choice: Aimee Sporer
Best Hair-Splitting of a TV Personality
Sherry Sellers
KUSA-TV Channel 9
No sooner did Sherry Sellers wrest last year's coveted best hair award than she started growing out her perky bangs. Big mistake. Not surprisingly, Sellers soon left the early morning news altogether to become the station's medical reporter (a personal assignment: new mother). In honor of her departure, the 6 a.m. staff assembled a hilarious set of clips that commemorated Sellers's hairstyles through the years--and shared it with the viewers. Hair today, gone tomorrow.
Best Local TV News Anchor
Adele Arakawa
KUSA-TV Channel 9
When Aimee Sporer's addition to the Channel 4 lineup started making inroads in Channel 9's ten o'clock ratings, KUSA broke up its seventeen-year-old anchor pairing of Ed Sardella and Mike Landess (giving the latter a choice of the third-ranked newscast in Atlanta or else) and added a woman. But what a woman! Within weeks Adele Arakawa, imported from Chicago, proved that there's a critical difference between those who read the news and those who actually report the news--and, for that matter, between an ingenue and an experienced hand. A pro all the way, Arakawa quickly showed us just how good the best can be. Special bonus: She drives a white Jag.
Readers' choice: (tie) Bill Stuart and Aimee Sporer
Best Local TV Weathercaster
Ron Allen
KMGH-TV Channel 7
We all know that predicting the weather is an inexact science--and Ron Allen admits it. The veteran personality provides the same information as his more heavily hyped peers, but in a relaxed, unpretentious manner balanced by a pleasantly skewed worldview. Allen makes a notoriously predictable segment of the average news show infinitely more interesting.
Readers' choice: (tie) Larry Green and Mike Nelson
Best Local TV Sportscaster
Les Shapiro
KCNC-TV Channel 4
In a field dominated by mannequins, Les Shapiro continues to look and talk like a regular guy. A guy quick to laugh at his own jokes, maybe--but a guy whose jokes are usually worth laughing at. The most versatile--and humorous--of Denver's sports anchors.
Readers' choice: Ron Zappolo
end of part 1
