The six crassest lines uttered by Jay, of Jay and Silent Bob
You might have noticed that Jason Mewes didn't utter a single four-letter word when we interviewed him about Kevin Smith: Live From Behind, a live recording of the duo's podcast, which select movie theaters across the country will screen tonight. Find more details in our online calendar listings.
We had no idea he was such a gentleman -- after all, his career-making character, Jay, is known (and much beloved) for his creatively foul mouth, something he's showed off in all sorts of Smith movies, most famously, Clerks. So to provide a contrast from his soapy clean Q&A session, we picked the best example of his colorful language from each film in which Jay appears.
I feel good today, Silent Bob, we're gonna make some money, then you know what we're going to do? We're gonna go to that party, we're gonna get some pussy, and I'm gonna fuck this bitch, I'll fuck this bitch, I'll fuck ANYTHING THAT MOVES! (to someone passing by screen) Yo, what the fuck you lookin' at? I'll kick your fuckin' ass! Shit yeah. (to Silent Bob) Doesn't that motherfucker owe me ten bucks? You know, fuckin' tonight, we're gonna rip off this fucker's head, and tear out his fuckin' soul. Remind me if he tries to buy something, I'm gonna shit in the motherfucker's bag. (to two women off screen) Hey, what's up, baby? What's up, sluts?
Burgos with: Ransteez, Giothevillan, Chicitychino
TicketsSat., Jan. 28, 8:00pm
Stand Up! the Workshop - Comedy Showcase
TicketsTue., Jan. 31, 7:00pm
TicketsThu., Feb. 2, 7:30pm
These Jokes Are for You (W/ Denver Comedy Champion Nathan Lund)
TicketsThu., Feb. 2, 8:00pm
Future Faces of Funny
TicketsWed., Feb. 8, 7:30pm
Phase one: First you take a run at La Fours with a sock full of quarters. I'd do it, but I pulled my back at humping your mom last night. Nootch! Okay, you clock him on his headpiece and knock his ass out cold. That's when phase two kicks in. I attack the structure Wolvie Berzerk style, and knock out the fuckin' pin and bickety bam, the motherfucker is rubble. Hence, no game show.
Well, think good, you fucking ninny shithead, because now she'll be all true blue and shit. This bitch tasted life, now she's willing to settle on your boring, funnybook-making ass.
(about John Hughes) You know that guy too? That fuckin' guy. He made this flick, 16 Candles. Not bad, there's tits in it but no bush. But Ebert over here don't give a shit about that kind of thing, 'cause he's like, all in love with this John Hughes guy. He goes out and rents, like, every one of his movies. Fuckin' Breakfast Club, where all these stupid kids actually show up for detention. Fuckin' Weird Science, where this babe wants to take her gear off and get down, but oh no, she don't, 'cause it's a PG movie. And then Pretty in Pink, which I can't even watch with this tubby bitch anymore 'cause every time he gets to the part where the redhead hooks up with her dream guy, he starts sobbin' like a little bitch with a skinned knee and shit. And there's nothing worse than watching a fuckin' fat man weep.
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. And then all you motherfucks are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob.
You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah. Like, be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien lifeform...and fuck it. And people'd be like, "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a Martian once."
Get the Arts & Culture Newsletter
Find out about upcoming performances, exhibitions, openings and special events happening in the Denver art and theater scene.