Ask a Stoner: How Do I Convert My Conservative In-Laws?

Ask a Stoner: How Do I Convert My Conservative In-Laws?
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Dear Stoner: My very Christian, conservative, Texan in-laws wince when I even say “marijuana,” and any discussion of its benefits or the industry sends them into a tizzy. How do I convert them?
A Faithful Prophet

Dear Faithful: My go-to campaign has always been CBD benefits. Epileptic children can suffer dozens of seizures while on prescription medicine, but hundreds of videos and articles online show how CBD can reduce those seizures to fewer than one per day. And that’s only CBD’s benefits for epilepsy cases. Retired athletes, senior citizens and patients suffering from various chronic conditions have all documented how CBD helps treat their inflammation and pain better than prescribed narcotics and painkillers. A combination of talking up CBD benefits and warning of the life-threatening dangers of opiate addiction has been my winning formula for quite some time now, and I’ve made a lot of conversions.

Getting others to jump on the CBD train doesn’t mean they’re down with the entire cause, but it’s a start.
My Midwestern grandma used to think pot was awful. Three years later she was giving me shit for smoking pot that didn’t smell good enough. (She said if I have something that smells like lavender, she might try it.) But then there’s my friend’s 28-year-old fiancée, a homeopathic doctor who doesn’t want to hear about medical marijuana and plugs her ears when I bring up CBD. Some people don’t want to let the facts get in the way of their beliefs. Don’t let that discourage you.

Ask a Stoner: How Do I Convert My Conservative In-Laws?

Dear Stoner: What munchies aren’t bad for you? Health nuts like to get high, too.
Fit & Lit

Dear Fit: People usually lose their sense of guilt after a few tokes, but good on you for keeping a sense of discipline after getting high. Most of my fit friends puff and grub out on their cheat day — or the one day a week when they eat like a stoned pig to trick their metabolisms after six days of exercise and healthy eating. They all look great in bathing suits, so consider a cheat day if you haven’t already.

If you’ve ruled that out, think like a preschool teacher. Ant logs — celery filled with peanut butter and raisins — are good no matter how old you are. Homemade sweet-potato fries with a drizzle of olive oil and cinnamon aren’t bad, either. Step up your fruit game with fresh orange slices, apples and almond butter or yogurt and raspberries. And if none of those work, drink a protein smoothie and shut up.

Send questions to marijuana@westword.com.

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